The Road: all the makings for a zombie movie, but the zombies

What a fantastic base for an amazing zombie film. It had it all, a mysterious holocaust, stunning post apocalyptic visuals, just oozing atmosphere. Some truly superb acting. Fear and despair, resulting in tragic suicide as the world as we know it comes crashing down. Roaming bands of thugs, that would kill you for what little you possess (and probably even eat you too). A story of personal strength and determination in face of the ultimate adversity.

So what one single thing could make a zombie movie with so much going for it fail and drop to the depths of being possibly the most painful two hours I have spent watching a movie in a long time? How about not a single bleedin' zombie in the whole damn movie. What happens when you take the zombies out of a zombie movie? The answer NOT A GOD DAMNED THING. Boredom and tedium. This is the movie The Road.

OK, so in all fairness The Road was never actually a zombie movie. The idea of adding zombies would likely have made the writer and the director spew pea soup from every orifice. But it would have definitely made the whole thing a lot more watchable. Even on it's own merits, the roaming bands of cannibals could have made the film a lot more tense and interesting, but it failed miserably there too. Although they were clearly looking to avoid any trappings of an action flick and keep the whole production to some higher plane of artistic film making, they just managed to make a painfully dull and unimaginative picture. Good god, it made the Blair Witch Project seem watchable. If the idea was to create such an atmosphere of dread and despair that the audience can so relate to the characters that the viewer wants to put the Smith and Wesson in their mouth just to put an end to it, well then it is a success. But this is the only scenario in which I would consider it so. And I don't say this with the air of one of the many movie critics looking to make him/herself seem worldly and emotionally complex. Telling you this film will bring you to revelations of previously unexperienced emotional and psychological distress (hey for the fun of it lets label it emo-porn), because believe me there are better soul scorchers if leaving a theater with a sick feeling is your goal(Jack Ketchum's The Girl Next Door for one). As good as the book may have been (I admit to not reading it), this is just one long, amazingly boring and plotless wrek.

I'm thinking with some creative editing from a number of existing zombie fests, this movie could really be something, but until the time comes that someone goes to that effort I would strongly recommend avoiding it like... well, the zombie plague.



G. Macabre

A further guide to Zombie Planning: Melee Weapons, pt.1

Greetings and condolences once again to my readers in the land of the living. If you have been following my H1N1 zombie outbreak watch and have started preparing, this post is for you. Due to the current popularity of the topic of zombie planning, I have again returned to expand on my earlier public service announcement with A Further Guide to Zombie Planning, Although I promised a Firearms part 3, I have decided to leave that a bit longer, this time taking a closer and more in depth look at selecting melee or hand-to-hand combat weapons.

Selecting your weapons.
Before selecting any weapon, the first thing that must be determined is what classification of zombie will you be encountering. In the event you are encountering pseudo, or non-zombies where the afflicted is simply a mortal exhibiting zombie like behavior, disposing of them is as simple as disposing of any mortal human cranked up on meth, as they will not be distracted by pain of injury. Naturally a zombie that cannot be destroyed because of mystical origin or any other reason, and thus cannot be destroyed by conventional weaponry, discussion of weapons would thus bee moot. For the purposes of this discussion we will assume the zombies are of Modern of typical contemporary nature that can only be destroyed by destroying the brain or severing the head.
As this is the first I have written of this, I make mention of it here, as it is pertinent to the destruction of a zombie, but as I further progress in the completion of Macabre’s Guide to Zombie Planning I will re-edit at some point in the future. Really it is imperative that anyone looking to survive a zombie outbreak fully understands the mechanisms of destroying a typical zombie. Naturally the destruction of the brain is self-explanatory. The less gray matter left intact the greater the likelihood of destroying the zombie. But the details of decapitation are not nearly as straight forward. What it is about removing a zombie’s head that destroys it? As removal of any of the other bodily organs including severing the spinal column does nothing other than perhaps reduce mobility? Effective decapitation really is an extension of the former method of destroying the brain. More specifically it is the separation of the brain from the brainstem, or the destruction of said brainstem that bears results. This may simply sound like semantics, but the intricacies of such are quite important. If a zombie is decapitated below the brainstem the head will remain animated and dangerous, and by the same means if a decapitating blow is delivered to the base of the skull complete decapitation is not necessary. This is important to realize as the human neck is very muscular and is not easily severed. Even with the sharpest of edged weapons multiple blows are usually required to fully decapitate a human body, but partial decapitation near the base of the skull is quite possible with one blow.



Melee Weapons:

While a firearms or even multiple firearms should be your first choice as a defensive weapon, (providing you are capable of using them to their potential) it would be foolishness to not include some more basic primitive weapons in your arsenal in the event you must defend yourself without a gun. The reasons for this could be quite numerous, and as this whole planning guide is about being prepared, one must also be prepared for the contingency that you may find yourself without a usable firearm. Much like with firearms, the individual choices are practically limitless, but there are some common traits of certain types that can be examined and considered more closely.

General weapon types

Archery equipment: Lets get this out of the way right from the beginning. Unless you are previously skilled with the use of these weapons they are NOT worth your effort. Although they may present some benefits in being a relatively silent ranged weapon they are not easy to use with the accuracy that would be required to consistently take out a zombie with a well-placed head shot. As a hunting tool, their purpose is not to cause trauma or significant damage but to lacerate vital organs causing death through exsanguination (blood loss) that is obviously not going to affect a zombie. Additionally they are typically long and awkward, usually have very limited amount of ammunition and a very slow reload rate. I say this to you being experienced with archery equipment myself.
While they may be useful as a tool to deliver a form of incendiary over a long distance or into a building, they are not a good choice for a type of weapon. Even crossbows, although they than can be equipped with optical sights and fire much the same as a rifle are too flawed. Firstly a suitably powered crossbow is no more silent than a .22 rifle, possesses only a fraction of the effective range, and lacks the reload rate of even a single shot rifle. Hand crossbows are not a suitable consideration in that they are again relatively inaccurate, are lacking in power, and possess an abysmal range at which you will be lucky to get that one shot off.

Blowguns: Another type of ancient weapons that will prove quite useless against the undead. Don’t even consider these even in the direst of circumstances.

Ancient and Historic Weapons: Now we’re getting down to the meat and potatoes of hand-to-hand weapons, but we’re not quite there yet. Like archery equipment, many ancient weapons require specific training to be properly effective in combat. If you are so trained in their usage you will likely already have a selection of weapons at your disposal. If you are not, acquiring them is going to be difficult short of raiding a museum. Most ancient and historic weapons available are reproductions intended primarily for display purposes only and will not perform in combat as well as a proper weapon would. Most effective historic weapons realistically are reproductions designed and build for the purpose of use, and training by clubs and associations, and you can likely bet that when the time comes they will not be gracious in sharing them with you. Some suitable choices of Ancient and historic weapons however will be discussed a bit later in this topic.

Improvised Weapons: These are going to be among your best choice of hand-to-hand combat weapon come Z Day. Like the ninja, selecting and crafting practical every day implements to be used as weapons is an option that should not be overlooked. Many products available off the rack at your local hardware store require no modification whatsoever to become a lethal weapon. And to their advantage, unlike “fantasy swords” and replicas, they are for the most part designed to be used and abused. Additionally in a post apocalyptic world having the weapon perform as a tool for the purposes it was intended will become invaluable while scavenging and for building and removing blockades and barricades, giving them an edge over many similar historic weapons.

Power tools however are poor choice in improvised weapons for anything beyond a very localized primary outbreak. They are limited to their energy source, be that electrical battery or gasoline motor and tend to be rather noisy which may draw other zombies to your location. In addition they tend to be bulky and heavy using energy better saved for carrying other more valuable equipment and supplies, or simply conserving that energy for later, as exhaustion in battle is equally bad as running out of ammunition. Another significant drawback of motorized rotary weapons, such as chainsaws, lawn edgers, and gas mowers will likely result in infectious splatter that, while looking really cool, presents a considerable health threat to everyone in your party.


Basic primitive weapon types:

Edged Weapons: Edged weapons are traditionally for cutting or slashing. While for the most part their use is intended to be directed towards the torso and vital organs of an opponent, that can still be somewhat effective when used on the living dead. Unless one is utilizing a particularly sharp blade with significant force, decapitation with one blow is unlikely. A decapitating blow aimed to the back of the head if possible will increase your chances for killing with a single blow. If this is not possible it is best to attempt to direct your blow to the side of the skull, hopefully penetrating far enough to damage the brain.

Pointed Weapons: Pointed weapons are designed for piercing blows to the opponent. Like edged weapons they’re traditionally intended to target the torso, however they can still be somewhat effective when directed toward the head as a target. The human head is a fairly hard object designed to protect the brain, and is a relatively small target too. The rounded shape also tends to deflect killing blows from the brain, making a fatal piercing blow rather difficult, but not impossible. When using a pointed weapon there are three targets to aim for providing the attacker is coming straight towards you. The first target would be the eye(s). The skull behind the eyes is noticeably thinner than at the forehead thus far easier to penetrate. The Eye socket will also trap the point of the weapon and direct the following thrust right where it counts most without deflection. The second target is the mouth, again trapping the point of the weapon and directing the blow towards the base of the skull. The third target is the head/neck just below the lower jaw. The wielder will have to direct the piercing blow upwards and back, driving the weapon as to penetrate the back of the skull. This will destroy or sever the brain and or brainstem. In some cases, depending on overall weapon design (usually involving a form of spike), a deliberate piercing blow to the cranium will be the most effective.

Blunt Weapons: Blunt weapons traditionally had two purposes; to wear down an opponent and more significantly deliver a fatal crushing blow to the opponent’s cranium. Wearing down a zombie isn’t going to happen, but then again they really don’t defend themselves well anyway. As the head is the best target when attacking a zombie, a weapon that targets that specifically is a prime candidate for consideration. Blunt weapons usually are constructed in one of two designs, fixed to a handle as a club or hammer or attached to a handle in a pendulous fashion. In either case the user simply directs the blow towards the head of the zombie relying on concussive force to break open the skull and destroy the brain.

In Melee weapons part 2 we will look at some examples of melee weapons. We will also in the near future look at what other supplies and equipment we should look to acquire beyond the weapons.

G. Macabre

Zombie Apocolypse update

Despite the fact authorities are now down playing the seriousness of the H1N1 virus, and the spread of the virus is being greatly reduced from what was anticipated, Fact is the numbers of the infected continue to rise and so does the body count. From the 26 reported deaths and 1085 infected persons as of my last post, the official count is now 44, with 2384 reported cases as of this posting. While apparently these numbers are still within the comfort levels for most of the authorities, it does however indicate that with still no known vaccine or treatment if the virus continues to spread in an exponential fashion half of the world's population will be infected my mid August. And with a current mortality rate maintaining approximately 2% of the infected population would translate to 68 million deaths. Now naturally these figures are quite rudimentary, utilizing minimal data at the moment not fully factoring in such variables as comparative infection in third and first world nations, incubation periods and then there is the dynamic of when the dead actually start rising and killing and further infecting healthy humans. So clearly these figures will be dramatically different in the coming weeks and months.

Unfortunately as we have not seen much evidence of the dead rising at the moment as the numbers are still few, it is still hard to clearly identify this as a Zombie outbreak, and beyond that it is impossible to determine what type of zombies are we dealing with. Although we can comfortably rule out Traditional or Voodoo Zombies, both Modern and Contemporary Zombies are both still plausible (see Know your Zombies). Early indications would rule out supernatural origins, and the Long Dead zombie however.

As the authorities seem to be regaining control of the media and the panicked hype is lessening somewhat, this could indicate that any clear evidence about the nature of the outbreak as it relates to the living dead could, and is quite likely to become more obscured from the general public. One factor that greatly worries my in this scenario is that if there in fact is an airborne flu-like component, and how that will effect the transmission of the virus. Utilizing our current base of knowledge regarding zombie outbreaks, transmission has been exclusively through direct contact via open wounds, etc. Bearing in mind there is currently no concrete evidence to the contrary here, beyond the authorities persistence about this being a flu virus. If airborne transmission does become a factor, this could have a dramatic effect on your zombie plan. For example remaining in a densely populated urban environment waiting for the chattel to evacuate the cities could be a monumental mistake in not getting as far from the vestiges of humanity as soon as possible. Similarly the size of your group, or secure community could be more detrimental than beneficial. Again I stress that it is far to early with far too little information to start amending your current zombie plan yet, but it may be well worth your while to begin evaluating and adding for these yet unexpected possibilities.

For the un-initiated I would like to at this time make direct reference to Max Brooks book, the Zombie Survival Guide. For those without a Zombie survival plan I would highly recommend purchasing a copy. But Please be aware, that as good as the book is I steadfastly disagree with a degree of what he has included. Firstly he has unequivocally dismissed the class of Contemporary Zombie as being a construct of Hollywood, and such Zombies do not exist. With this as a foundation for his book, it makes it far simpler to put forth a guide to zombie survival that only factors in one type of zombie. From a publishing standpoint this is a very intelligent decision. However, in contrast, I believe that the silver screen has shown us that no two zombie outbreaks are the same, and that you must be flexible in your planning and the execution of your plans if you intend to be successful in surviving a Zombie outbreak. Nor do I agree with some of his weaponry assessments (see a further guide)or the value of apartment complexes or high-rise buildings as secure places (try as you might, without some form of explosive which would severely damage the structure of said building, destroying the staircases is not practicable. Dawn of the Dead has shown how good a choice apartment complexes are IMO.)

G Macabre

H1N1 Swine Flu: Is this the zombie apocolypse?

Greetings and condolences once again fellow travelers. My recent prolonged existence in the land of the living has certainly not been without it's fair share of excitement. It would seem that regardless of what remote hovel you occupy you would be made well aware of the current H1N1 virus,aka Swine Flu outbreak. Odd that such a minor viral pest, with no more adverse side effects than a normal human influenza virus that this should receive such widespread, nearly panicked global attention, after all "seasonal human influenza" claims the lives of 250,000 to 500,000 people annually (according to the WHO). Or, my dear conspiracy theorists, is there more to it?


Here is what the Center for Disease Control is telling us...(WARNING official and rather dull text follows in italics, but regardless if H1N1, Rage virus or Zombie outbreak it will all look the same, bet on it.)

WHAT TO DO?

Background

The novel H1N1 flu virus is causing illness in infected persons in the United States and countries around the world. CDC expects that illnesses may continue for some time. As a result, you or people around you may become ill. If so, you need to recognize the symptoms and know what to do.
Symptoms

Common symptoms include fever, headache, tiredness, cough, sore throat, runny nose, body aches, diarrhea, and vomiting. Nearly all persons with flu will have at least two of these symptoms. (GM: yeah sounds just like what you'd expect if you were bitten by a zombie to me) The high risk groups for novel H1N1 flu are not known at this time but it’s possible that they may be the same as for seasonal influenza. People at higher risk of serious complications from seasonal flu include people age 65 years and older, children younger than 5 years old, pregnant women, people of any age with chronic medical conditions (such as asthma, diabetes, or heart disease), and people who are immunosuppressed (e.g., taking immunosuppressive medications, infected with HIV).
Avoid Contact With Others

If you are sick, you may be ill for a week or longer. You should stay home and avoid contact with other persons, except to seek medical care. If you leave the house to seek medical care, wear a mask or cover your coughs and sneezes with a tissue. In general you should avoid contact with other people as much as possible to keep from spreading your illness. At the current time, CDC believes that this virus has the same properties in terms of spread as seasonal flu viruses. With seasonal flu, studies have shown that people may be contagious from one day before they develop symptoms to up to 7 days after they get sick. Children, especially younger children, might potentially be contagious for longer periods.
Treatment is Available for Those Who Are Seriously Ill

It is expected that most people will recover without needing medical care. (GM: or at least appear to before they go on a murderous rampage gnawing at any breathing being in eye shot)

If you have severe illness or you are at high risk for flu complications, contact your health care provider or seek medical care. Your health care provider will determine whether flu testing or treatment is needed. Be aware that if the flu becomes wide spread, there will be little need to continue testing people, so your health care provider may decide not to test for the flu virus.

Antiviral drugs can be given to treat those who become severely ill with influenza. These antiviral drugs are prescription medicines (pills, liquid or an inhaler) with activity against influenza viruses, including H1N1 flu virus. These medications must be prescribed by a health care professional.

There are two influenza antiviral medications that are recommended for use against H1N1 flu. The drugs that are used for treating H1N1 flu are called oseltamivir (trade name Tamiflu ®) and zanamivir (Relenza ®). (GM: although the WHO ha already said these seem to have little effect on the current contamination. But that's OK they're just trying to keep you blissfully calm and comforted) As the H1N1 flu spreads, these antiviral drugs may become in short supply. Therefore, the drugs will be given first to those people who have been hospitalized or are at high risk of complications. The drugs work best if given within 2 days of becoming ill, but may be given later if illness is severe or for those at a high risk for complications.
Emergency Warning Signs

If you become ill and experience any of the following warning signs, seek emergency medical care.

In children emergency warning signs that need urgent medical attention include:

* Fast breathing or trouble breathing
* Bluish or gray skin color (GM: who here has seen Dawn of the Dead?)
* Not drinking enough fluids
* Severe or persistent vomiting
* Not waking up or not interacting
* Being so irritable that the child does not want to be held
* Flu-like symptoms improve but then return with fever and worse cough
* Seemingly heightened senses of hearing and smell
* Heightened uncontrollable aggression towards others beyond the standard
report card comment "does not play well with others"
(GM: OK those last two I added)
In adults, emergency warning signs that need urgent medical attention include:

* Difficulty breathing or shortness of breath
* Pain or pressure in the chest or abdomen
* Sudden dizziness
* Confusion
* Severe or persistent vomiting
* Flu-like symptoms improve but then return with fever and worse cough
* desire to eat under prepared meat products, human flesh and headcheese
(GM:OK that was me again)

Protect Yourself, Your Family, and Community

* Stay informed. Health officials will provide additional information as it becomes available. Visit the CDC H1N1 Flu website.
* Cover your nose and mouth with a tissue when you cough or sneeze. Throw the tissue in the trash after you use it.
* Wash your hands often with soap and water, especially after you cough or sneeze. Alcohol-based hand cleaners are also effective.
* Avoid touching your eyes, nose or mouth. Germs spread this way.
* Try to avoid close contact with sick people.
* If you are sick with a flu-like illness, stay home for 7 days after your symptoms begin or until you have been symptom-free for 24 hours, whichever is longer. Keep away from other household members as much as possible. This is to keep you from infecting others and spreading the virus further.
* Learn more about how to take care of someone who is ill in "Taking Care of a Sick Person in Your Home"
* Follow public health advice regarding school closures, avoiding crowds, and other social distancing measures.
* If you don’t have one yet, consider developing a family emergency plan as a precaution. This should include storing a supply of extra food, medicines, and other essential supplies. Further information can be found in the “Flu Planning Checklist” (GM: Seriously did I just read that right!!??? DEVELOP A FAMILY EMERGENCY PLAN!! With extra supply of food, water and other essential supplies!!!??? for a flu outbreak likely less significant than our "normal seasonal flu outbreak". Sorry but that seems a little extreme wouldn't you think?) You know I'd almost bet that was a cut and paste at least twice before replacing Nazi with Communist and flu respectively.

So this is all practical, and if we stay the course, and listen for updates, and do what the authorities tell us we all will be fine? Gee I don't know about you but I can't recall the last time that Miami was effectively shut down, with airlines canceling services to the US during any normal "normal flu" season, or the when World Health Organization called for a class 5 pandemic, even during such known deadly ailments such as the SARS outbreak a few years ago and the West Nile virus, a deadly summertime reality here in North America and Europe claiming hundreds of lives every year, or China just started detaining people based on nationality, ignoring human rights and banning import on meat products, or...Ummm, yeah forget that stuff about China.

Some interesting facts with possible Zombie plague parallels:

On March 18th. The Mexican Government starts investigating a mysterious disease in the province of Veracruz.

On April 6th. A US company located in Veracruz reports changes in behavioral patterns of local residents.

So far the World Health Organization claim that the virus is being contained and those affected have all been immediately connected to visits to Mexico, and no secondary transmission as been confirmed. Yet daily numbers of the infected are increasing. (Getting bit or wounded will do that you know.)

Mexico has confirmed 16 deaths, but are investigating an additional 85 deaths that have been reported since. (forget the paper masks, issue chain male.)

The Mexican Health Agency starts taking international flack for not getting heath workers to the families of the first reported casualty for nearly three weeks citing logistical problems. (Can you say zombie horde.)

Areas that have reported a limited number of early, less serious cases that had appeared to be recovering, suddenly have more and more serious cases. Nothing is said of the earlier patients current status. (If that doesn't scream dead returning to life and attacking others nothing does.)

Well folks it's too early to say that this is the beginning of the Zombie apocalypse, but stay tuned to this blog for any further developing information which could indicate that Hell is in fact full. In the mean time now might be a good time to check if you still have those Y2K supplies and buy some more ammunition.

Gary Macabre

Unead or Alive: a Zombie Western Comedy...no really

OK first up, I make no bones about it this blog isn't about movie reviews, and that's not going to change any time soon. I will however discus films in a casual manner without the pretense of actually reviewing it. If you can grasp the difference then we'll continue, if you can't I don't want to hear about it.

So here we are with a Zombie/Western that actually uses the word "zombedy" in it's promotional material. Man this is looking bleak from the get go. As a matter of fact I tossed it back in the two-for-five-dollar bin a couple of times. But alas the allure of some zombie busting carnage with lever action rifles was just too strong and I finally caved. Fortunately I was in the mood for a really bad movie and I had little preconception of this being anything but, so all risk of disappointment and an hour and a half of my life safely socked away in the bottom of the dirty laundry hamper, I settled in with a plate of nachos and my own trusty Winchester '94 at my side ( Don't worry the ammo however was still safely locked away elsewhere, after all if it truly was worse than even I expected, I couldn't risk pulling an Elvis on my 50").

To my pleasant surprise this film was actually conceived with some intriguing and enjoyable premises. The origin of the wild west zombie being attributed to a native Indian curse on the white man I actually really like, some great ideas on how zombie cannibalism would be treated and dealt with by an ignorant town and the application of typical "wild west justice", and even a great little "betcha didn't see that coming" ending. Sadly however the few gems there in never made it past the screenplay writer, the director or the lamentable acting. Even my thirst and enthusiasm for the much anticipated and oh so inevitable zombies vs. .30-30 romp was left largely unsatisfied, rather like having a glass of nice cold Coke on a hot day only to find it has gone flat in the fridge. As for the comedy, well I think that SNL hit it's low point through the late 90's, and actor Chris Kattan... well lets just say "A Night at the Roxbury, Corky Romano, House on Haunted Hill, ..."

There was enough to like in this film to be worth the $2.50 it cost to purchase, and maybe even enough to justify the 91 minutes lost on it (92 minutes might be pushing it). But that said you have to be sold on the premise of Zombie Western/ weak comedy because if you can't take that into a viewing your in for a world of hurt.

G. Macabre

Zombie carnage for desk Jockies

For all you poor schmoes who have to sit on your tookas' all day behind a computer screen making the big bucks, here's a link that should make your day go by just a bit better.
De-Animator Game

And for those of you who aren't afraid of the boss walking in on you check this one out.
Survive the outbreak

House of the Dead: Overkill

If your looking for monsters in modern horror well then you've likely noticed that zombies are all the rage (ok even 4SJ would have choked on that pun). Zombies are really the predominant monster in modern horror although I would recon Vampires are still a close second. Damn good thing that can I enjoy a good (or often a bad) living dead film as a lot of other modern sub genres really do nothing for me.



So amid the commercial outpouring of Zombie fare I landed myself a copy of the video game "House of the Dead: Overkill" for the Wii. Let it be known I'm not a gamer and own and play very few titles so this isn't a review for that crowd, rather one coming from a horror film fan who happens to own a Wii.

The visual appearance of the game is satisfactory, although admidetly less refined than games on other console systems, but compared to the Wii's usual 8 bit looking 3D stick people the game looks fantastic for the platform. Appearance of a zombie game is pretty damned important in my books.
The game play is a bit primative. The game simply walks you through the story and offers little more than a carnival style point and shoot. Hell we saw that with the original Nintendo Entertainment System and liht gun og the '80s, and other more primative systems have offered more indepth zombie games such as Resident Evil and even the Nintend DS title Touch the Dead is more interactive. So I'm not sure the gamers out there will be lining up for this one (on the upside if it should likley be hitting previously enjoyed shevlves not long from now for those who may be looking to buy it) . But alas the NES lightgun is long dead and hasn't been revived by anyother system, meaning first person shooter games are at best with te didgital representaion of a gun barel being controled by a pair of joysticks. The hands on gun-in-hand aspect of the Wiireally brngs the enjoyment level of thsi game up a knotch and is a welcomed addition to the first person shooter games.

As a Movie fan there are some aspects that make the game well worth my financial investment. Although the game is rather linear and the system has other titles that are more interactive first-person-shooters I'm not holding that against the game, after all I bought this for one reason and one reason alone, blowing away the hordes of living dead, and that it delivers in spades. Second is the Grind House theme. The whole game is done up like a nasty 70's grind house feature with all that implies (well ok, not ALL that implies as the game lacks the nudity.)

Light entertainment, virtual gore and a bazillion brain munching living corpse to scag and a toy gun, what more could one want?

Speaking of Zombies...

Check out this news item... Warning signs

A further guide to zombie Planning: Firearms pt.2

Now we've taken a short trip through the overall types of firearms, we have to get a little deeper if we're going to do this right. So in part two we'll cover a bit on actions and ammunition because there's a lot more to a boom stick than a barrel, a trigger and some magical force that makes things go splat.

The action is the mechanism that places the round in the chamber and by pulling the trigger releases the firing pin, which strikes the primer of cartridge, thus igniting the powder which forces the bullet out the barrel. OK got that, simple enough right. So lets do this in the same format as part one.

Also this is a bit of a generalization, as some makes and models may have features that do not completely coincide with the norms I state here, for example the model 1885 Winchester lever action which is a top loading box magazine rifle which shoots various full caliber center fire rifle cartridges does not fit with every +or- I have listed with lever action rifles.

Long Arms, Carbine rifles and Shotguns: Antique and specialty arms aside there are five basic actions: Bolt, Lever, Pump, Semi-automatic/automatic and Break actions. Now there are variations within each category, but we're talking about zombies here, not instructing a full firearms course and even then that's getting a bit too involved, so lets just stick with those for now.

Bolt Action: This is the simplest type of action there is, a round is placed in the receiver/body of the gun either manually or through the magazine, the bolt containing the firing pin is then closed manually cocking the firearm and pushing the cartridge into the chamber to be fired. The bolt is manually opened extracting the spent casing. Now the important stuff, how does this affect your zombie plan?

+ Simplicity: Fewer moving mechanical parts means less room for error and malfunction. With a horde of zombies within the gates, it is not a good time for a gun to pack it in.

+ Tear Down and Maintenance: Hand in hand with simplicity, bolt actions are very simple to take apart and clean or perform other necessary maintenance. Remember a clean firearm is a working firearm. Lets face it society has collapsed, and it could be a long time to get replacement parts.

+ Single shot capability: In many bolt action rifles ammunition can be manually loaded individually directly into the chamber. This may not seem like a big plus, but say you've used all the rounds loaded into your gun and only have a loose pocket or box of them and there's that next zombie coming at you. Not having to manually load a magazine and then chamber a round may be more significant than you might first think.

+ Accuracy: Largely because of their simplicity and fewest moving parts and locking bolt, bolt action rifles are generally considered the most accurate rifles.

- Full Recoil: With the bolt locked in place the full recoil of the rifle firing is coming back at you. If you've got a lot of zombies to shoot that can become quite tiring after a while. Fatigue will affect your shooting accuracy and more misses means more precious ammo wasted.

- Slower rate of fire: Typically bolt actions rifles will be significantly slower to get that next round chambered. A lower rate of fire means the advancing zombies might get through that door or window and into the room and then things start looking grim. I will point out the obvious exception here is the legendary speed of the Lee Enfield action where, German forces advancing during the early days of WWI thought the British had machine guns because of the rate of fire. Standard training requirements were that a British soldier had to be able to fire off a minimum of 15 aimed shots and hit a 200yd target in one minute. With practice one could easily exceed this.

- Left hand awkward: Only commercial sporting arms are manufactured for left hand use. While I know left handed shooters how have gotten quite proficient with right hand bolts, cycling the action manually with each shot to repel a zombie attack would still be limiting. Not an issue if you're right handed obviously.

Lever Action: The classic cowboy rifle, the Winchester lever action is legendary. The first rifle to be manufactured for today's smokeless powders, the Winchester model 1894, or simply 94 (also practically synonymous with the term 30-30 which was created for this gun)has been in production from 1894 to 2006 and the basic design is still in production from other notable manufacturers.

+ Ease of Operation: With a simple downward flick of the wrists another round is chambered and you're ready to knock down another corpse. By utilizing only one simple motion to eject and re-chamber another round and by utilizing gross motor coordination rather than fine motor skills, these are quite possibly the finest choices of manually operated actions.

+ Great ergonomics: Short, light and magnificently well balanced these guns are a dream to shoulder and shoot. Less time thinking and aiming is good when you turn a corner and find yourself face to face with a half dozen living dead.

+ Rapid rate of fire: By the ease of operation, rapid rate of fire is a given, and the less time between shots means less time for the Zombies to advance.

+ Easy reload: the classic loading trap on the side of the receiver works so well it is simple enough to load ammunition into the tube magazine in complete darkness.

+ Left hand friendly: If you're a lefty these are equally easy to shoot and operate, although they typically load on the right.

+\- Interchangeable ammunition: Many lever action rifles are made to use the same ammunition that you would use in a hand gun, which works great for interchangeability, especially between a rifle and a hand gun! Almost an ideal situation if out in no-man's land (at the expense of range and power of course). However the .30-30 and .45-70 ammunition is almost exclusive to these guns without much cross over with many other firearms.

+\- Recoil: While the lever action rifles do have full recoil which can beat on a person especially if using the grand 'ol .45-70 big bores, the classic .30-30 and pistol rounds are quite reasonable with far less felt recoil than the usual center fire bolt action rifles.

-slow reload: simple or not one round must be pushed in manually one behind the other and this is a time consuming process.

- Not single shot friendly: A round must be inserted into the magazine before it can be properly chambered. Although it is possible to top load into the chamber on some models, you will likely face extraction issues.

- Mechanically Complex: While they have been around for over a century and have a record for reliability, there is still a lot more that can go wrong than in a bolt action. Tear down and reassembly in the field is not much of an option here. Not a rifle you want to drop in the sewer.

- Tactical reloads difficult: While I understand it's not so problematic for pistol caliber leverguns, it's near impossible to "top up" the .30-30 or larger caliber rifles as the next round to feed into the chamber blocks the loading trap, thus the rifle must be completely emptied before it can be reloaded.

- short range: Typically Lever action rifles are carbine length and considered brush guns with an effective range not typically exceeding 150 yards.

Pump Action: Typical for the shotgun, but also available for centre fire rifles.

+ Ease of operation: Again a simple hand/arm movement and your ready for the next zombie.

+ left hand friendly: The mechanics work equally well with either hand. (In fact that is the reason this was my first rifle, as I naturally draw to my left)

+\- reload speed: While some models now use removable magazines, many (especially shotguns) must be loaded in a tube magazine one round at a time which can be time consuming.

- Full recoil: Again the full force of the boom is coming back at you. Be careful here as ammunition that is loaded with extra powder can and will cause failures that a bolt action can absorb.

- Mechanically complex: While not as complex as the lever action, they are likely the most prone to experiencing feed problems. Care and cleaning is also more difficult.

- Loss of accuracy: While some will argue with me here it's pretty much commonly accepted that they are less accurate than bolt or lever action rifles at range. Some of that is in the mechanics of the action, some of that is the exaggerated arm movement required to chamber the next round and get the second shot off quickly unsettles the shooter. But the CLACK-CLACK-BOOM sure looks and feels cool.

Break Action: Major limitations here, but some good points I suppose.

+ Accuracy: Break action single shot rifles are likely the most accurate rifles out there, but are few and far between and I don't think I'd want on as my primary firearm in a zombie holocaust.

+ Simplicity: Really it doesn't get any simpler than this does it. Again care and cleaning is simple.

+Single shot capable: Well this is a no brainer (hmm, interesting pun choice...), but the poor reload rate really kind of negates this advantage.

- Reload rate: Many older break actions require the spent shell or cartridge to be removed manually slowing things up even more.

- Reduced capacity: One or two shots tops is not a good thing no matter how you cut it.

- OK really those two negatives really outweigh the previous positives by a pretty wide margin.


Automatic/semi-automatic: let's face it given the choice this is the one that the majority of gun junkies are going to grab. Whether or not that's a good thing remains to be seen, but the concept has proven itself time and again the world over in every major military conflict since the second world war. I have lumped auto and semi-auto together because they are basically the same concept just a minor variation in function.

+ Ease of operation: Load that clip or magazine, chamber the first round and away she goes until it's time to reload. All you have to do is squeeze the trigger and zombies drop.

+ Reduced recoil: The design of the Automatic/semi firearm utilizes gas pressure and recoil to cycle the firearm and in effect reduces the amount of felt recoil. Making it easier for the shooter to regain his sights on the next target quicker, and at the same time be less punishing on the shooter.

+ Reload speed: All semi/auto firearms are fed with a clip or removable magazine making reloading quick and simple.

+\- Rate of fire: Rate of fire in an automatic rifle is frankly a double edged sword. Spray and pray may work well for living opponents, but against the zombie horde, it's a waste of precious ammunition. While the semi-automatic is an infinitely better choice, and truly maxes out zombie plugging potential with rate of fire, the operator must exercise discipline because it too is almost too damn easy just to let fly with a five round burst wasting ammo and achieving nothing but making you reload all that much sooner.

- Complex design: Again a lot more to go wrong here mechanically and harder to maintain in the field. Semi-automatic rifles require a better cleaning regime to ensure they work properly. That said some designs have an uncanny history of working in the most appalling conditions with a mind boggling record, (can you say Kalashnikov).

- no single shot capability: Not as big down fall here as with other designs because of the quick reload.

- Ammunition related failures: Because this design utilizes the gas pressures of a discharging cartridge to cycle the action, another factor of ammunition tolerances becomes an issue not found in other manually operated actions. While this may not be an issue with plenty of good ammo and reloading supplies available on the market, come Z day that may change. Poor quality or "dirty" ammo will foul the rifle much quicker rendering the rifle useless if gas ports are clogged. Particularly poor quality ammo has been known to cause this to happen within the first dozen rounds fired. A gun that doesn't fire is a club at best, and it's hard to club yourself to death if that's what it comes down to.

Handguns: Again antique and specialty arms aside there are two basic actions, the revolver and the automatic pistol (automatic here does not mean continuous fire, simply auto loading).

Revolvers: Revolvers come in two styles, the single action revolver and the double action revolver. Single actions are quite primitive antique or antique clone guns which require the hammer be cocked manually (simultaneously rotating the cylinder) and the trigger simply releases the hammer. Great for Westerns and cowboy action shooting, but a bit ponderous with the walking dead coming at you at close range. With the double action revolver squeezing the trigger performs both actions in order.

+ Simplicity: Again fewer parts mean potentially fewer problems. Also cleaning and maintenance is simple.

- Slow reload rate: While some makes had design components that made reloading quicker and easier, it is still a relatively slow process, and when zombies are within handgun range, every second counts.

- low capacity: While 8 round revolvers aren't uncommon, most anything in a calibre most suitable such as the .45 are going to be the classic six shooter. And reloading often with a slow reload rate, well lets just say you should remember to count how many shots you've fired, because you'll likely be wanting to save one for yourself.

Automatic pistols: Not new technology, the automatic pistol was widely in uses as early as 1911 and operates much the same as the self loading rifles. Again available in single and double action. Single action automatics, like the self loading rifles, load, cock and blast away until empty. The double action automatic simply eliminates the requirement to initially cock the weapon.

+ Rate of fire: Although the Double action automatic has a slight advantage it is really rather negligible, as going int a dangerous situation one would likely have the weapon cocked and ready to fore anyway. With either style getting that second shot off in a hurry is of major importance at this close range.

+ Large magazine capacity: An automatic pistol with a 9-15 round magazine is the norm, and the more shots in the gun means a better chance of getting out of there unscathed.

+ Quick reload rate. Automatic pistols are quickest of all firearms to reload. This is a huge plus.

- Complex design: More maintenance is required to keep them working properly and cleaning is more labour intensive. But with smaller pistol rounds the good news is they're less likely to be as dramatically affected by dirty ammo than a rifle.


Quickly on ammunition, as really there a a whole multitude of ammunition choices available. The bigger is not always better. I mean come on you're taking out rotting corpses not Wildebeast. A well placed .22 will likely do the trick, but it's best if you give yourself a bit of wiggle room, utterly destroying the Zombies brain is a better plan than simply putting a hole through it, so select calibers that will do that whenever possible. Hand guns I would recommend no smaller than .38 or a 9mm if you cannot handle the recoil and your accuracy suffers, but a .40 or .45 would be more effective if you can shoot it well. For rifle rounds I would recommend anything that is legal for big game hunting (specifically deer or other thin skinned game). .30cal is a great choice as there are more .30cal variations available than any other, which means lots of available reloading supplies regardless of what specific round you choose.
Some military rounds are better choices than others. The NATO 7.62X51 round is great if you have access to active military supplies, but there's not much of it on the civilian surplus market anymore. The British .303 has effectively gone extinct as far as surplus ammunition goes (and that which is out there is crap to my understanding), but is readily available as a commercial sporting round. Russian 7.62x31 surplus on the other hand is quite plentiful and inexpensive if you're stocking up. But keep in mind it will all but impossible to find while scavenging as commercial hunting ammunition.
Shotguns are popular Zombie busting fare, but as I had mentioned previously shot size is far more than gauge. Stick with buck shot of at least #4 and avoid small game loads as they will do nothing to stop all but the mushiest brain muncher.

A further guide to zombie Planning: Firearms pt.1

In light of the other day's inaugural events in Washington, and with no less than four years of Barack Obama as the US President perhaps it's a good time to more deeply assess you Zombie Plan. What does Obama have to do with this? Well for the sake of this post, not much at all aside from being a lock on getting more web crawler hits. Later on however I look forward to addressing the question of "How does Barack Obama as US President effect my Zombie plan" more earnestly.

Thanks Shane, for stopping by the banks to discuss Zombie planing the other day. Shane brings up some good thoughts on assembling your most important line of defense, your firearms. (Check out his comments on the Public Service Announcement). In my earlier post I stated my choice of firearm and briefly addressed some of it's merits. In this post lets take a closer look at firearm selection: some of the considerations you should keep in mind when selecting a firearm and some of the choices of firearms available to you.

Considerations in firearm selection:
A firearm is practically indispensable in assuring your survival during a Zombie breakout. Any firearm is better than none, some however have specific features that make them more or less suitable than others. Lets start off with four main classifications of Firearms, Long arms (rifles), Carbines (short rifles), Shotguns, and Handguns. Ideally one should consider at least one of each of these as each addresses a specific situation you may encounter more effectively than another.

Long Arms: In my opinion the most indispensable category of firearm, and are your primary means of defense when engagement is inevitable. Here are the positives and negatives of this type of arm.

+ Power: Center fire rifles are, for the most part, designed to drop large game animals (and in military arms, humans). The kinetic energy stored in a 180 grain projectile traveling at speeds often in excess of 2500 ft. per second is huge and will easily obliterate any zombie melon that gets in it's path, even if just partially.

+ Accuracy: Rifles are unquestionably the most accurate of firearms, the ability to dispatch a zombie from more than a football field away should not be understated. We have all seen where one lone zombie becomes attracted to movement or some other stimulus and mindlessly attempts to reach the individual attracting the attention of numerous other zombies. By dispatching that zombie at a much greater distance and ideally before it becomes aware of you will naturally equate to fewer zombies being attracted to your location hopefully avoiding mob type situations.

+ Availability: Hunting and sporting rifles are the most easily acquired class of firearm. Even in countries that require licensing, they are by far the easiest to acquire with the least amount of effort and expense. Naturally finding ammunition for this class of firearm is also quite easy (with some exceptions).

- Size: Naturally a longer firearm is also more difficult to utilize in confined spaces or in close quarters. While they are the best choice for use from an easily defensible position, they are limited in usefulness when forced to leave your primary safe house, for say scavenging activities or find your self in close quarter combat.

- Typically small magazine capacity: Most sporting rifles do not have a magazine capacity beyond 5 or 6 rounds. Even military rifles typically operate in these ranges. The Lee Enfield rifles which had a 10 round magazine are the primary exception, followed by the M1 Garand which held 8 rounds.

-Slow reload rate: Commercial sporting rifles are not manufactured with the idea of fast reloading being a priority and can be quite cumbersome depending on model. Again former military rifles; where they may lose out on accuracy, they are/were manufactured to accommodate more rapid reloading means with stripper clips or removable/replaceable magazines and other systems.

Carbine Rifles: Quite possibly the best all-round choice in firearm. Certainly should be considered a must if wandering or scavenging. Carbine rifles were a military creation for the sole purpose that long arms were a bit unwieldy, and they remain primarily a military arm.

+ Power: Many carbine rifles use the same cartridges as the full calibre long rifles. Some however are manufactured to use special rounds which are somewhere between a pistol round and a rifle round, like the M1 carbine. While in itself a nice gun, the unique cartridge also makes it a dubious choice for scavenging.

+ Size: Notably shorter than the full size rifle, carbines are far better suited for use in more restricted confines. Modern Military carbine rifles have practically perfected this union of rifle calibre bullet and close confines maneuverability.

+ Fast Reload rate: Being again of military design, they are made to be reloaded in a hurry. An indispensable feature in any firearm.

+/- Magazine Capacity: Military models if you can get your hands on one are the best choice as they carry the most number of round of ammunition. Civilian models however (which most of us only have access too) seldom have magazine capacities (especially here in Canada) of more than 5 rounds, thus making multiple magazines a necessity.

+/- Accuracy: While reasonably accurate at moderate ranges, and far surpassing hand guns, they are by no means as accurate as full size rifles at range. Generally carbines which utilize full calibre ammunition tend to suffer more in accuracy.

- Availability: Naturally being a military arm, even though civilian models are available on the market, they are not nearly as available as full size sporting rifles, and due to their reduced size and design may face further restrictions in some regions. As well availability of ammunition will be considerably more reduced than for many models of long rifle.

Shotguns: The most highly over rated Zombie fighting tool I can think of. While some features of a shotgun may seem appealing and they've been used widely in Film and Television, they're really not on par with the other firearms. Now as I have said before any firearm is better than none, so by all means keep one in your locker if you already have one, but specifically acquiring for your zombie plan is money better spent elsewhere. Shotguns are best for repelling looters and living invaders, temporarily anyway, as a dead looter will be trying to gnaw on your leg in an hour.

+/- Less Accuracy required: The whole intent of a shotgun is to spread projectiles over a wide area to increase the odds of hitting a difficult target. Sounds great just point at the zombie pull the trigger and watch his head blow apart. The negative here is that if you spread your shot too thin none of it's going to do anything. Again with the kinetic energy, even .32" diameter 00 buckshot fired from a shotgun traveling at sub sonic speeds will have only a fraction of the kinetic energy of a centre fire rifle bullet, thus you'd need to compound this effect with as much of the shot impacting the target as possible. There are multiples factors with a shotgun that effect this; Range, Choke and Shot selection being the keys.

+/- Size: Tactical shotguns like Carbine rifles are designed for close quartered combat and matched with an appropriate shot selection could be useful as a last minute line of short range defense. Sporting shotguns on the other hand are really no shorter than long rifles, and "sawing off" a shot gun really make it far less effective that you would think, reducing effective range, increasing the spread dramatically, making the recoil almost uncontrollable and becoming more of a danger to you and your still living companions and than means of protection.

- numerous acceptable shells: Unlike rifles that will accept one size cartridge shotguns can chamber different dimensions of shells. While typically not as catastrophic as loading the wrong ammunition in a rifle (shells of the same gauge come in a variety of lengths) a 20ga shell can drop into the barrel of a 12ga shotgun and become extremely dangerous if a 12ga round is fired off behind it. A shorter shell of appropriate gauge is acceptable, a longer shell will damage the gun. Figuring out which is which in the dark with a zombie horde at the door is not a good situation. I'll touch on this a bit more later too.

- Power: Most ammunition is practically useless. Along with a variety of shell sizes there are numerous different shot sizes (shot is the projectiles in the shell if you didn't get that already), most of which are designed for small game and birds. Only the larger buck shot would have any effectiveness against zombies. Keep in mind Dick Cheney shot an elderly hunting companion in the face at point blank range with bird shot and he survived. So what good would this be on a zombie?

- incompatible combinations: Sporting shot guns come in a variety of chokes to effect the resulting shot pattern at different ranges, however they will still chamber inappropriate shells. Trying to shoot #1 gauge buck shot through a full choke shotgun would be disastrous.

- poor reload rate: With the exception of a few of the newest tactical shotguns which use removable magazines, the vast majority are not capable of being reloaded very quickly as they must be loaded one shell at a time.

- low magazine capacity: Sporting shotguns camber 2, 3 or 5 cartridges at most (three being the legal limit internationally for migratory bird hunting). Some modern tactical shot guns however can hold as many as 6 to 10 rounds.

* As you can see the best choices here are clearly modern tactical shotguns, but again keep in mind scavenging suitable ammunition will be more difficult.

Hand Guns: When it comes down to it and zombies are coming through the window, or while crawling through very confined spaces while out scavenging, or any other situation where using two hands on your firearm is not possible a good hand gun is your best and possibly last line of defense.

+ Size: Well lets face it it's really the one feature that makes a handgun valuable.

+ Power: Really at close range even the .38 round will be effective enough, but I do concur with Shane that a .40 or .45 is a better choice. After all a bigger boom means less chance of needing to take a second shot. Pistol rounds are not nearly as powerful as rifle rounds, but they will certainly do the job.

+ Magazine Capacity: Semi-automatic pistols are nothing new dating back to the first decade of the 20th century. So while revolvers are still available their limitations in regards to capacity and reload rate are obvious. For that reason I'm not really going to bother with them here. Clip fed Semi -automatic pistols typically hold 12-15 rounds of ammunition and in some cases more. And when your in a close quarters situation multiple zombies are very likely. The more ammunition in your firearm means the less time you have to spend reloading and the greater your chances of getting out alive.

+ Reload rate: Magazine fed pistols can be reloaded very quickly, more quickly than most any type of rifle of shotgun.

- Accuracy: With short barrels and reduced sub-sonic loads, pistols do not have good accuracy at anything but close range combat.

-Availability: Hand guns are the most restricted of firearms requiring the most time and effort to acquire legally.

So there is a primer on firearm selection in part 2 we will look at and discuss some other aspects of firearm selection, such as action type and ammunition. Please feel free to chime in and discuss your views of firearm selection for your zombie plan.

G. Macabre

Post Mortem: Diary of the Dead

As much as I am first and foremost a fan of classic horror, I have to admit to being a huge fan of the Zombie genre. And Romero's most recent addition wasn't a disappointment. OK perhaps not his best outing, I admit to liking NOTLD and DOTD better, but this was a noteworthy return for Romero to the genre he re-invented. They typical band of misfits thrown together an a quest for survival. Surely there will be some good gory deaths and characters dying off as they situation becomes more dire, pure grade-A Alberta Beef for a Post Mortem entry right.

Well think again, while the movie was entirely enjoyable in it's own right, I have to admit that there was very little material to base this review on. What no Characters Die? to the contrary a number of significant characters die. But Romero made some interesting choices. Character deaths were essentially zombie maulings and not particularly grotesque ones either. And for the most part their second death at the hands of their peers is not particularly meaningful, nor motivational. Not that this doesn't work for the movie, in fact it works quite well, it truly punctuates a reoccurring theme throughout the movie about us, and by 'us' naturally I mean society as a whole, this being global and not national, losing our humanity and becoming disassociated and distant from reality. Particularly with our modern use and lack of interpersonal relationships due to the modern age of computers. Frankly as far as Romero's political subtexts go, this one really is his best. But it didn't make for great death scenes. Sure there was plenty of gore and zombies to keep us happy, but the character's deaths were rather sanitized, interesting no?

So to choose the one that does the best job in this format, I must go with the death of the focal character,

Jason Creed: from rolling film to final cut.

Manner of Death: You guessed it, attacked by a friend turned zombie (whom he formally criticised for his lousy performance as one of the living dead), bitten and then capped by his girlfriend before he could turn. OK I have to admit up until I typed that last sentence I was about to mark it simply as average, but damn, after reading that, I think I have to rate it a bit higher.




Effect of Death: Although the "heroine" of the film seems more moved by this death than any other, and vows to continue and finish his film (which she presumably does and that is the cut we are told we are watching), it doesn't really motivate the characters into action and certainly provides no conclusion to the film, so in my books (and I feel I am perhaps being a bit generous)...




Appearance/direction: To be honest nothing about this scene really stands out visually. And to be brutally honest, when the rest of the gang catches up with Jay and his attacking zombie the zombie is actually strangling him, (although by the blood apparent on his throat, and that of the zombie at this time we can safely assume he was in fact bitten), and I think I bashed Manchester Morgue pretty hard for not much different (noting however there was no blood present in LDAMM until the following scene). It's the part after the attack and the lead up to his final exit that allows me to rank this a bit higher. That said it too gets no more than average.




Mood: Yeah, you know the part where the zombie gets the sword in the head is great and all, but, if it weren't for the score here the scene really didn't have much mood. Bread and water.




Acting: It was believable and the fact that he was able to utter the line "shoot me" while passing the video camera to his girlfriend as his last and final words without cracking up, gets points in my book. But beyond that I didn't see much that warrants better than average marks.




So there you have it, a solid movie, with acceptable acting, a great director a good story, blood, guts zombies the whole sha-bang. But in the end somehow the most pivotal death clocks in at 15.5/25, C- go figure.

Gary Macabre

Public Service Announcement: Making your zombie plan

Welcome to my place of repose here on the river Styx. Yes it's a quiet and peaceful place right now, but here between the living and the dead things can get interesting without a moments notice. Sure it usually starts over there in the land of the dead, but it almost certainly will have repercussions on the living world. It's almost mind boggling that the land of the living is perpetually caught unawares and unprepared. So here are some tips in preparing yourself and your family for the next inevitable Zombie breakout.

1. Know your Zombies: There are essentially three main category of Zombie, one should be able to identify each of these categories if one hopes to be able to effectively survive an outbreak.

Traditional Zombies--Classic or traditional Zombies can be identified by their vacant expression, relatively healthy complexion and robotic behavior.
These zombies are born of Voodoo practice. As such it is important to know they are not infectious and are always under the control of the individual whom is responsible for their creation. If you are facing attack of this type of zombie be warned it is extremely likely such attacks will persist until you find and deal with the voodoo Priest or Priestess who has it in for you. There is good news for you if this is your situation however. First off their numbers will be limited buy the number of recently deceased bodies available to the offended practitioner, the number vulnerable fools whom could be turned into living zombies and the relatively involved spells or "tricks" required to create them. Secondly this class of zombie is awkward and slow moving, making escape through limited confrontation a possibility. This type of zombie may still be an entranced living mortal or a deceased corpse, therefore a simple body blow or serious body wound may incapacitate or dispatch such a zombie, but then again it may not.
It is important to understand that there are relatively few films or accounts dealing with individuals dispatching traditional zombies, so I cannot say with certainty that even the tried and true shot to the head will achieve the desired results. The only certain way to deal with traditional Zombies is by dealing with the conjurer or with fire/incineration.

Modern Zombies--The living dead. First described by George Romero, this variety of Zombie can be easily recognized buy the shambling gait, the vacant expression the pallid gray complexion and the compulsive behavior directed towards attacking and consuming living human flesh. Unlike traditional zombies this variety can be quite vocal although completely incoherent. They do not obey a master rather they simply obey instinctual behavior: kill--eat.
The origins of this category of zombie is not entirely clear, whether it was of extraterrestrial/cosmic or earthly nature, the simple fact is that it is their existence is unintentional and is their behavior is not under intelligent control. Warning highly infectious! Whatever was the initial cause of the recently deceased returning to life, it is of relatively little consequence. Their numbers increase exponentially as any victims which are not consumed quickly succumb to a mysterious illness and upon death become zombies themselves. Although they are slow moving and, like traditional zombies, with some effort an individual may fight through them to escape, death due to infection is an extremely high risk.
Destroying Modern Zombies is relatively straight forward, however limited in options: destroy the brain, separate the brain from the brain-stem or incineration.

Contemporary Zombies: This category included supernatural zombies, pseudo zombies and non-zombies. Not all script writers or directors choose to stick with the rules established for Modern Zombies, and thus we end up with this motley collection of the undead or seemingly- undead, so beware if faced with zombies of this variety.
Because of the variable nature of this type of zombie, they can be more difficult to identify than the former groupings. However it is more often the trend for this type of zombie to be deceased for a greater period of time thus displaying a greater degree of bodily decomposition. Remember that in only a generalization however and does not necessarily apply. For example the non-dead are just that, living beings infected with a disease mimicking a zombie state and thus would show no decomposition or excessively pallid complexion, but are equally deadly and infectious. Unlike Traditional and Modern Zombies, Contemporary Zombies as of recent have been known to move exceedingly fast, so stay on your toes until you are certain of what type of zombie your are dealing with.
Again because the rules have been flaunted so loosely in the past, there is no simple or guaranteed way to dispatch a contemporary zombie. Even incineration of this class has been know to emit dust and smoke that can rain down creating more zombies from long dead corpses. Similarly supernatural zombies may only be susceptible to the destruction of the greater evil and magic that has created them. The majority however respond equally well to severe head trauma in the same manner as Modern Zombies, thus this is the recommended first course of action. The key here is buying yourself enough time to get as far away from them as possible.

2. Making a Plan: One should not live in fear of a zombie outbreak, but simply acknowledge the possibility and prepare accordingly, as one might keep candles, matches and a battery powered radio in event of a power failure or earthquake, or perhaps like one keeps fresh garlic and holy water on hand in case of vampires. Once one accepts the possibility of zombie attack and has an understanding of the various types of zombie, they should quickly outline a basic plan that ideally addresses all three varieties of zombie they may encounter.

3. Has it Happened Before?: Fact is zombie breakouts are usually dealt with within days of the initial outbreak by high ranking officials and military or national guard units. So if your area has not been previously affected a much more short-term rudimentary plan should be sufficient. However outbreaks tend to re-occur and usually the second time can be considerably worse with the possible collapse of civilization. If your area has had a previous outbreak, you should immediately begin outlining a long term and dramatic plan for the eventual second outbreak. Relocation of your residence should be a first consideration (hello Pittsburgh).

4. Location, Location, Location: Densely populated centers are likely to be the worst in the case of modern or contemporary outbreaks, while rural tropical localities are more likely to experience traditional outbreaks. Remote rural Northern communities are likely the last to be effected by a pandemic. In addition to there being a much smaller population to have to fend off, weaponry and ordinance may be more prolific in rural areas and more easily acquired while scavenging.

5. A Safe House: Consider your residence, are you in a place that can be easily defended? How about an escape route? Certainly a place you can readily defend is a good idea, but be careful not to trap yourself in the process. A basement may seem Ideal but what if there are more zombies than you can properly fend off? A staircase is much easier to defend than multiple entrances and windows, so a property with a second story is ideal, as the living dead do not have the mental capacity to scale the side of a building to get to the second floor. Apartment buildings can similarly be defended, however beware the fact you have numerous neighbors all around you who could become infected, making your condo complex a hive of the living dead. A multi story building may not have simple enough means of alternate escape either. Consider this when choosing your high-rise.

6. Weaponry: The ideal weapon to deal with Zombies is a firearm, in that they can be engaged at a distance to reduce the possibility of infection. Different firearms have their advantages and disadvantages. Shotguns have really limited usefulness for entering the skull and damaging the zombie's brain, so while they would be effected against mortal invasion (which is a distinct and real threat), the are not a good choice for zombie protection. Large caliber rifles have tremendous power to remove craniums and are exceedingly accurate, however are limiting at close range. Fully automatic firearms are relatively useless as they do a great job of spreading a lot of lead around, buy only a small percentage of bullets used would hit the required target. Handguns however, are ideal for close range protection, but are less accurate and do not have as powerful cartridges as rifles. All firearms however are limited to the amount of available ammunition and reload rate. My personal weapon of choice is the Lee Enfield rifle. With the renowned speed of the bolt action (hence the mad minute), the ten round magazine, stripper-clip loading and a 17 inch bayonet they are a very formidable weapon.

Other weapons of choice: Chainsaws are very popular and if you happen to have one handy well why not, but in the end they are limited to their fuel and are rather unwieldy. If you are preparing for a secondary outbreak which in all likelihoods will last a while, tools or weapons that best represent a medieval lineage are likely the best choice long term. Examples would be baseball bats, axes or machetes. These will not fail you even it matters the most. But remember in hand to hand combat you are most likely to succeed against one or two individuals rather than against a horde pouring through a door or window which are likely to overwhelm you.

7.Long Term Planning: If your area is likely susceptible to a long term outbreak, then it would be wise to consider how you will acquire other necessities such as food and water, and replenish other supplies when necessary. Again counting on large public outlets and chain-stores, while they may appear attractive are wrought with danger, and might be best avoided unless absolutely necessary. Don't forget that these places are typically loaded with people and this could translate to more zombies, additionally other survivors and looters will have though of such facilities before hand and may be quite aggressive.

8. Other Survivors: Be careful out there. Not every survivor is necessarily going to wish you the best. they may be violent and present as much or greater a risk to your well being that the zombie horde if they become desperate and are otherwise ill prepared.

9. Other Contingencies: A good zombie plan will also prepare you for other contingencies such as home invasion of post apocalyptic holocaust, so once you have your basic plan in place consider how it can be easily modified to suit other conditions and threats. For example stocking a couple silver bullets just in case of werewolves too is a simple extension if you have chosen to have a firearm.

So there you have it follow theses simple steps when formulating your own Zombie Plan and you will likely survive the next zombie outbreak.

Gary D. Macabre

*update* as this post has taken on a life of it's own it would appear, I am adding links to forther related posts: A Further Guide to Zombie Planning - Firearms Part 1 - Firearms Part 2
Additional future zombie guide posts will be linked here as well.
GM

ZOMBIES!!!

OK, really who doesn't enjoy a good Zombie flick? Hordes of flesh eating undead poised to mindlessly eliminate Humanity. There is without a doubt subtle social/political underpinnings rampant throughout the sub-genre, but oddly enough when the mood for a good Zombie film strikes me I'm really in the mood for some mindless brain-munching (and a bit of good old fashioned, not-too-over-the-top gore).

Recently the Zombie sub-genre has received new life, if you will, with the recent addition of "Diary of the Dead" to Romero's list of canonical Zombie films, Horror legend Vincent Price's "Last Man on Earth" gets a remake with "I am Legend", and even more pseudo zombies in "28 Weeks Later". Beyond that the Zombie walk took home a Rondo Award for Best Fan Event of 2007.

But amongst it all there is one little shop churning out the best zombie products possibly of all time and you may not be aware of. It is Todd and Kerry Breitenstein's Twilight Creations Inc. Their brain (munching) child is first and foremost ZOMBIES!!! the board game. Put away the PS3 or your Xbox and enjoy gaming the way it was meant to be with a set of dice, a deck of cards and 100 little plastic zombies (and some real living human beings for competition and social interaction too). There are even some that glow in the dark! How cool is that!

From the get go you'll see this game is by fans for the fun of it, and not some slick heavily marketed game like Magic. Although the production quality of this game is on par with the best of them IMO, it has a down and dirty-mashed out in the basement over a night of Zombie flicks, poprocks, Jolt Cola and Rum stolen from the folks liquor cabinet- feel. Even the instructions can be a bit blurry at times, but that's OK they heavily promote the idea that "it's your game, play with the rules you like." I tell you no customizable card games were ever this customizable. As a matter of fact one of their latest expansion packs was a set of blank cards for you to make your own with.

Twilight Creations have just recently released Zombies!!!7 which is actually the eighth expansion set. Some sets require the main set others can be played on their own. So depending if you want to go for an all night marathon with a mall, a Military base, and/or a University all attached to the main town site(set) or just a time limited 45 minute romp, there are options.

Product pimping aside this is a good old fashioned hands-on game that is well worth picking up for any zombie fan, even if for nothing else but the horde of little plastic zombies.