OTR Tuesday

Greetings and condolences once again. It is well past time I reurn to some of the main features of the Blogue, and well I would be remiss if I were to post on a Tuesday and ignore one of my personal favourite entries, OTR Tuesday.

Here is one from a short lived series which originally aired from September of 1946 through to September of 1947 called Murder at Midnight. Unlike like some of the well known radio mysteries like Suspense, or Lights Out, which had large national affiliates airing the programs, Murder at Midnight was produced by and for a local NY radio station, WJZ. It is noted however that the producers were known to occasionally use scripts from other series such as Inner Sanctum.

I give you host Raymond Morgan and Murder at Midnight,

The Dead Come Back
G. Macabre

100 things to do with a corpse

Use #12: Pinata Party


Well Folks Summer is upon us and nothing says party fun like pinatas! Here is an activity that is not only a creative way of using up one of those old corpses you have hanging around (oh, give me a break Uncle Forry would have used that pun), but can be fun for the whole neighborhood.

Naturally the entire corpse can be used, but I find it more festive to replace the limbs with colourful streamers. This not only maintains the festive atmosphere, but also makes it easier for little Johnny to get a good, successful whack on the pinata without being obstructed with a dessicated arm or leg. I recommend removing the lower torso from the pelvis down, maintaining the abdomen to fill with all of the treats and goodies. Some important notes to remember in order to make this a successful and quality pinata are that dried torsos alone are hard and leathery, and not prone to breaking apart in the manner in which you desire. The solution to this is by lightly burning or braising the corpse so as that the dermis is actually somewhat brittle. The alternative however is to use a more recent corps in a state of advanced decay, however this may have a slightly unpleasant aroma, particularly once broken which may have a lingering and generally unappealing effect on the candies contained within.

The Road: all the makings for a zombie movie, but the zombies

What a fantastic base for an amazing zombie film. It had it all, a mysterious holocaust, stunning post apocalyptic visuals, just oozing atmosphere. Some truly superb acting. Fear and despair, resulting in tragic suicide as the world as we know it comes crashing down. Roaming bands of thugs, that would kill you for what little you possess (and probably even eat you too). A story of personal strength and determination in face of the ultimate adversity.

So what one single thing could make a zombie movie with so much going for it fail and drop to the depths of being possibly the most painful two hours I have spent watching a movie in a long time? How about not a single bleedin' zombie in the whole damn movie. What happens when you take the zombies out of a zombie movie? The answer NOT A GOD DAMNED THING. Boredom and tedium. This is the movie The Road.

OK, so in all fairness The Road was never actually a zombie movie. The idea of adding zombies would likely have made the writer and the director spew pea soup from every orifice. But it would have definitely made the whole thing a lot more watchable. Even on it's own merits, the roaming bands of cannibals could have made the film a lot more tense and interesting, but it failed miserably there too. Although they were clearly looking to avoid any trappings of an action flick and keep the whole production to some higher plane of artistic film making, they just managed to make a painfully dull and unimaginative picture. Good god, it made the Blair Witch Project seem watchable. If the idea was to create such an atmosphere of dread and despair that the audience can so relate to the characters that the viewer wants to put the Smith and Wesson in their mouth just to put an end to it, well then it is a success. But this is the only scenario in which I would consider it so. And I don't say this with the air of one of the many movie critics looking to make him/herself seem worldly and emotionally complex. Telling you this film will bring you to revelations of previously unexperienced emotional and psychological distress (hey for the fun of it lets label it emo-porn), because believe me there are better soul scorchers if leaving a theater with a sick feeling is your goal(Jack Ketchum's The Girl Next Door for one). As good as the book may have been (I admit to not reading it), this is just one long, amazingly boring and plotless wrek.

I'm thinking with some creative editing from a number of existing zombie fests, this movie could really be something, but until the time comes that someone goes to that effort I would strongly recommend avoiding it like... well, the zombie plague.



G. Macabre

When Death Comes to Town

Greetings and condolences my fellow travelers. My journeys have indeed taken me from the might banks of the great Styx for a prolonged spell, but it is good to return. Here in the darkness little dramatic happens and passers by are not overly common, but that is not the case everywhere. In my recent journeys I have had the pleasure to observe comings and goings in two otherwise small communities. Insignificant as these locations are to the greater preoccupations of the living, it is somewhat ironic that the fates would choose these hamlets to play out the greatest of dramas, between good and evil, life and death.

The first of these would be the little town of Little Tall, a fictitious coastal community located just of the shore of Maine. It was this setting that legendary author, Stephen King, would base his story "Storm of the Century". In a three part television miniseries first aired in 1999, residents of Little Tall find themselves at the mercy of a great storm threatening their quiet island home.

While for many an author such a reckoning would be enough to build a story on. King himself has used storm stayed inhabitants successfully in his tales of horror before in "Misery" and the iconic "The Shining", but here it is simply background for a greater trial. Evil descends on the town in the form of a mysterious stranger by the name of Linoge who brings with him murder death and an unprecedented demand for the inhabitants. Before he will actually tell them of his demands, Linoge first chooses to torture, and literally as well as physically manipulate the residents to commit horrific murders. In a small town idle gossip is cheap and plentiful, thus one's wardrobe-skeletons are dear and well hidden. Naturally the mysterious Linoge mater-of-factly shares the towns peoples past transgressions and darkest secrets in the most public venues he can find, illustrating that innocence is lost as childhood is left behind. The implications are left obscure and presented for the most part as a vehicle for Linoge to demonstrate his supernatural omnipotence, but to an attentive and thoughtful these indiscretions make the story's eventual outcome more poignant and meaningful as King exposes this is as much a morality tale as it is a simple supernatural horror.

I myself have never been a big follower of Stephen King's novels, and even less so the eventual film treatments, but in this format really allows King's tale to be told as it should be and the viewer to digest all the nuances that studio executives tend to lack enough appreciation of the genre to see. Undoubtedly if you are a Stephen King fan, this is preaching to the choir, however if you are not familiar with this work "Storm of the Century" is a must see.



Not more than four of five hours away and a bit north from Little Tall Maine, is another fictitious community called Shuckton Ontario. Now in gaudy electric neon contrast to the events that occurred South of the border, infamous Canadian comedy troupe Kids In The Hall, tell this hamlet's tale of what happens when "Death Comes to Town". Here in series of eight half hour episodes, a Reaper is stuck on this the shittiest of routes with a job to do and a personal grudge (and a thing for chubby red-heads).

Like the townsfolk in Little Tall, the citizens of Shucton too have their secrets. Alcoholism, infidelity, lust, greed, as in Little Tall it's all there, but where other than Canadian television could one explore homosexual necrophilia and get by the network sensors.

Now I'll admit that I was hoping this little gem would have a bit more bloodshed and mayhem, but the subtle comedic jabs and the outlandish characterizations and situations that The Kids in the Hall are known for are extremely entertaining and satisfying to watch in this macabre tale of what happens when Death comes to town.





G. Macabre

A light hearted post for a New Year

Happiest of New Years to you my fellow travelers. As much as I thought that my online access was limited before in barracks, it seems my access while on holidays visiting in laws was worse. Honestly I didn't' know there was internet connections that slow and virtually unusable in first wold nation is the living world. Will be taking my laptop if that ever occurs again. Well before I go off ranting and get too far side tracked, here is a favourite macabre little ditty I have long forgotten. Nothing like sociopathic murderers in the guise of family entertainment. Long before there were shows like Greg the Bunny and Puppets Who Kill, or even movies like Puppet Master, there was the Muppet Show!

OTR Tuesday: Boris Karloff blogathon edition

I am truly delighted to be back with the blogue. And although I missed much, my return in time for the Boris Karloff Blogathon hosted by Pierre at Frankensteinia is wonderful timing. I'm going to take this opportunity to return to one of my personal favorite features here at Blogue Macabre, OTR Tuesday.



Boris Karloff was crowned king Karloff not just because of his on screen presence, for which he was most renowned, but additionally Boris took to the airways with his unique and powerful voice talents to bring horror into our homes time and again.

Here are some selections from some of the many radio appearances Boris has done on some of the most noteworthy radio programs. Some I have featured before, others are debuting on Blogue Macabre for the first time. So sit back in your chair turn down your lights if you can, turn up your audio and enjoy.

Lights Out
The Dream
Cat Wife

Inner Sanctum
Tell Tale Heart
Birdsong For a Murderer
The Wailing Wall
Death for Sale
Corridor of Doom

Suspense
Drury's Bones

Gary D. Macabre

Paranormal Activity: Secretariat's Ghost

It's a chilled November eve in this shadowy land, come closer to the fire friend. I'm pleased to have found this old camp of mine here on the riverbank, and am even more pleased that you have found it as well. Perhaps it was the warm flickering light with promise of hope and comfort in this cold strange land or the enticing aroma of burning wood still damp from the dew of ages, thick with the feeling of familiarity. Whatever it was that drew you here I am sorry to say that this strange land offers nothing comforting nor soothing for a wandering soul. Perhaps you will do better in the next world, or perhaps you're fortunate enough to be one of the few visitors I see here who return home to the living world with all of it's great promises and dreams (and often painful realities). Before you continue along your path whichever it may be, please stop for a visit and a cup of coffee, reheated but still good.

Hmmm there's a lot there that reminds me of a little film I just saw, Paranormal Activity . As I sat in this rather rundown theater with very few other attendees watching this offering I too was drawn in with hope and promise. I do truly love supernatural spook shows, the unseen dead possess a whole other level of ominous threat and untouchable, uncontrollable menace not found elsewhere in the genre. Century old tales of ghostly beings, that shiver that traces the length of your spine when you turn you back on a darkened cellar, the little jump and the quickening pulse when an unsuspected thump in the dark that startles you. Each and every one of these things lends subconscious credibility to ghosts and the supernatural that does not require the suspended disbelief that monsters, vampires, zombies and aliens require of us. At the same time offers much greater internal terror than any slasher, murderer or real world psychotic can muster. This coupled with the rumblings about the internet, and indeed I took to my torn and sagging theatre seat with a degree of hope. And come to think of it as I sat in darkness watching this flickering light projected on the screen before me, much as I sit here now with you at this fire I felt that same sense of familiarity of something I had seen and known before. Oh yes I know what it was, it was that same old first person video footage style of directing that has been inflicted on the horror genre since Blair Witch made its fortune.

If you haven't yet partaken of this cinematic entity, have no fear as I have no intention of releasing any spoilers in this post. Since the inception of Blogue Macabre I have long determined that this is not a home for "regular" movie reviews as there are plenty of others who do a far better job of that than I. But instead lets speak of this film's inclusion in the home video footage sub-genre. I think we can almost certainly label that a sub-genre of its own by now. And perhaps take account of what it is that that sub-genre offers.

Now I'm on record as saying that The Blair Witch Project is the most over rated piece of horror genre crap I've ever tried to choke down, so you can guess that despite my previously stated hopes there was a healthy degree of cynicism in my heart before the screening as well. I did however find that both Romero's foray with Diary of the Dead and Cloverfield both offered creative approaches to this film style and regardless of what you thought of the films themselves, they did prove that this linear low budget film school dropout sub-genre perhaps could have something to offer. Sadly Paranormal Activity I found offered no creative or inspiring use of the home video technique and does nothing do further the sub-genre's plight for respectability. On the upside however the vomit churning shaky cinematography we have come to know is absent from this film as for once the lead character had the sense to invest some dosh in a decent camera with image stabilization and a damned tripod. The director also chose to take a more reasonable approach and actually allowed the camera to be placed in more realistic and inconvenient places and actually be abandoned by the fictitious filmographer which added greatly to the "intended realism" that is the ultimate goal of the genre.
The greatest thing about the home video technique is that it does one thing amazingly well, it gives the writer the latitude to come up with a mere handful of decent scenes with no real cohesion and a complete lack of an ending of any sort, and combine them with an hour of pointless going nowhere "reality" and voila you have a full length motion picture. And again this movie does that well...so surprisingly well in fact that it actually keeps the viewer in the film. The screenplay writers deserve an academy award for this one in fact, as they managed to keep all the meaningless crap for the most part natural, topical, inject an enjoyable degree of self satire, and squeeze in a couple of highly entertaining allusions to boot.

So you're wondering, why in the name of all that was and all that is, did I subtitle Paranormal Activity as Secretariat's Ghost? The answer is quite simple, this film poses the question "When you beat a dead horse, is there some supernatural or otherworldly way that that said horse can actually get up and run?" Like the fun house ride at the local fair, while I found the film entirely predictable, and lacking originality in almost every way somehow I came out of it with a smile on my face.

Pte. G Macabre

return to the blogue (Moment of Horror #7)

Greetings and condolences once again fellow travelers. It has been quite some time since I left the banks of the mighty Styx to put my mark with the forces of good. I am pleased to say that I will now have the ability to frequent these parts again in a more timely fashion and thus will be able to resume my role as guide here on the banks of these murky waters. It was very much troubling and regrettable that my duties kept me away during the most treasured of seasons and the celebrations of all hallows eve, the day of the dead and the day of the innocents as well. I do wish I had something substantial for my first post returning from hiatus. In fact I do have a significant offering that has been partially assembled since prior to my departure, but alas it remains still incomplete and on a computer many, many miles from where I currently reside.

Instead I will post a much more meager feature regular to the Blogue...

Moment of Horror #7
King Kong vs. Tyrannosaurus Rex

This scene has to count as one of the most influential scenes in cinema history. nothing is more empowering than giant monsters fighting, and the legendary King Kong going head to head with arguably the greatest beast this world has ever known (well it was certainly true in 1933 at the time of the film's release)the tyrant lizard king, Tyrannosaurus Rex. OK so some will point out that the dinosaur in question actually has three fingers and must be an Allosaurus, but to every young boy in the audience to this day will tell you otherwise.



King Kong certainly is one of the great hallmarks of science fiction and special effects on film. Selecting my moment of horror from such amazing images and scenes such as Kong atop the Empire state Building swatting at biplanes, or gently holding a terrified and under-dressed Fay Wray in a tropical jungle was not so easy, but I truly believe the visceral and imaginative impact that this scene has forever burned into the minds of generations of young boys makes this scene Moment of horror #7.

Blogue Macabre goes on Hiatus

Greetings and condolences again my fellow travelers. I hope you have been navigating about the banks of the Styx successfully in my absence Well if it wasn't apparent already, the Blogue is going on hiatus for a while.

Through times and time again, one such as myself gets a first hand view of the macabre goings on in the lands of both the living and the dead. The celebrations of life and death and the more ominous and disturbing evils that are inherent in both worlds. As a traveler here on the banks, a citizen of the neither world between the two worlds, it has been my privilege to be an impartial observer. Well the time has come to place that impartiality behind me and be counted among the forces of good. To fulfill my duty to those who have crossed over before defending what is right. That does not preclude my return to the banks, when my duty allows, but for the time being, I owe it to you my fellow travelers to speak of my prolonged absence, and I hope you understand.

Take care of yourselves, enjoy the musings of the other members of the League of Tana Tea Drinkers and remember to tip the ferryman when he calls on you. Until I return,

Pte. G. Macabre

A further guide to Zombie Planning: Melee Weapons, pt.1

Greetings and condolences once again to my readers in the land of the living. If you have been following my H1N1 zombie outbreak watch and have started preparing, this post is for you. Due to the current popularity of the topic of zombie planning, I have again returned to expand on my earlier public service announcement with A Further Guide to Zombie Planning, Although I promised a Firearms part 3, I have decided to leave that a bit longer, this time taking a closer and more in depth look at selecting melee or hand-to-hand combat weapons.

Selecting your weapons.
Before selecting any weapon, the first thing that must be determined is what classification of zombie will you be encountering. In the event you are encountering pseudo, or non-zombies where the afflicted is simply a mortal exhibiting zombie like behavior, disposing of them is as simple as disposing of any mortal human cranked up on meth, as they will not be distracted by pain of injury. Naturally a zombie that cannot be destroyed because of mystical origin or any other reason, and thus cannot be destroyed by conventional weaponry, discussion of weapons would thus bee moot. For the purposes of this discussion we will assume the zombies are of Modern of typical contemporary nature that can only be destroyed by destroying the brain or severing the head.
As this is the first I have written of this, I make mention of it here, as it is pertinent to the destruction of a zombie, but as I further progress in the completion of Macabre’s Guide to Zombie Planning I will re-edit at some point in the future. Really it is imperative that anyone looking to survive a zombie outbreak fully understands the mechanisms of destroying a typical zombie. Naturally the destruction of the brain is self-explanatory. The less gray matter left intact the greater the likelihood of destroying the zombie. But the details of decapitation are not nearly as straight forward. What it is about removing a zombie’s head that destroys it? As removal of any of the other bodily organs including severing the spinal column does nothing other than perhaps reduce mobility? Effective decapitation really is an extension of the former method of destroying the brain. More specifically it is the separation of the brain from the brainstem, or the destruction of said brainstem that bears results. This may simply sound like semantics, but the intricacies of such are quite important. If a zombie is decapitated below the brainstem the head will remain animated and dangerous, and by the same means if a decapitating blow is delivered to the base of the skull complete decapitation is not necessary. This is important to realize as the human neck is very muscular and is not easily severed. Even with the sharpest of edged weapons multiple blows are usually required to fully decapitate a human body, but partial decapitation near the base of the skull is quite possible with one blow.



Melee Weapons:

While a firearms or even multiple firearms should be your first choice as a defensive weapon, (providing you are capable of using them to their potential) it would be foolishness to not include some more basic primitive weapons in your arsenal in the event you must defend yourself without a gun. The reasons for this could be quite numerous, and as this whole planning guide is about being prepared, one must also be prepared for the contingency that you may find yourself without a usable firearm. Much like with firearms, the individual choices are practically limitless, but there are some common traits of certain types that can be examined and considered more closely.

General weapon types

Archery equipment: Lets get this out of the way right from the beginning. Unless you are previously skilled with the use of these weapons they are NOT worth your effort. Although they may present some benefits in being a relatively silent ranged weapon they are not easy to use with the accuracy that would be required to consistently take out a zombie with a well-placed head shot. As a hunting tool, their purpose is not to cause trauma or significant damage but to lacerate vital organs causing death through exsanguination (blood loss) that is obviously not going to affect a zombie. Additionally they are typically long and awkward, usually have very limited amount of ammunition and a very slow reload rate. I say this to you being experienced with archery equipment myself.
While they may be useful as a tool to deliver a form of incendiary over a long distance or into a building, they are not a good choice for a type of weapon. Even crossbows, although they than can be equipped with optical sights and fire much the same as a rifle are too flawed. Firstly a suitably powered crossbow is no more silent than a .22 rifle, possesses only a fraction of the effective range, and lacks the reload rate of even a single shot rifle. Hand crossbows are not a suitable consideration in that they are again relatively inaccurate, are lacking in power, and possess an abysmal range at which you will be lucky to get that one shot off.

Blowguns: Another type of ancient weapons that will prove quite useless against the undead. Don’t even consider these even in the direst of circumstances.

Ancient and Historic Weapons: Now we’re getting down to the meat and potatoes of hand-to-hand weapons, but we’re not quite there yet. Like archery equipment, many ancient weapons require specific training to be properly effective in combat. If you are so trained in their usage you will likely already have a selection of weapons at your disposal. If you are not, acquiring them is going to be difficult short of raiding a museum. Most ancient and historic weapons available are reproductions intended primarily for display purposes only and will not perform in combat as well as a proper weapon would. Most effective historic weapons realistically are reproductions designed and build for the purpose of use, and training by clubs and associations, and you can likely bet that when the time comes they will not be gracious in sharing them with you. Some suitable choices of Ancient and historic weapons however will be discussed a bit later in this topic.

Improvised Weapons: These are going to be among your best choice of hand-to-hand combat weapon come Z Day. Like the ninja, selecting and crafting practical every day implements to be used as weapons is an option that should not be overlooked. Many products available off the rack at your local hardware store require no modification whatsoever to become a lethal weapon. And to their advantage, unlike “fantasy swords” and replicas, they are for the most part designed to be used and abused. Additionally in a post apocalyptic world having the weapon perform as a tool for the purposes it was intended will become invaluable while scavenging and for building and removing blockades and barricades, giving them an edge over many similar historic weapons.

Power tools however are poor choice in improvised weapons for anything beyond a very localized primary outbreak. They are limited to their energy source, be that electrical battery or gasoline motor and tend to be rather noisy which may draw other zombies to your location. In addition they tend to be bulky and heavy using energy better saved for carrying other more valuable equipment and supplies, or simply conserving that energy for later, as exhaustion in battle is equally bad as running out of ammunition. Another significant drawback of motorized rotary weapons, such as chainsaws, lawn edgers, and gas mowers will likely result in infectious splatter that, while looking really cool, presents a considerable health threat to everyone in your party.


Basic primitive weapon types:

Edged Weapons: Edged weapons are traditionally for cutting or slashing. While for the most part their use is intended to be directed towards the torso and vital organs of an opponent, that can still be somewhat effective when used on the living dead. Unless one is utilizing a particularly sharp blade with significant force, decapitation with one blow is unlikely. A decapitating blow aimed to the back of the head if possible will increase your chances for killing with a single blow. If this is not possible it is best to attempt to direct your blow to the side of the skull, hopefully penetrating far enough to damage the brain.

Pointed Weapons: Pointed weapons are designed for piercing blows to the opponent. Like edged weapons they’re traditionally intended to target the torso, however they can still be somewhat effective when directed toward the head as a target. The human head is a fairly hard object designed to protect the brain, and is a relatively small target too. The rounded shape also tends to deflect killing blows from the brain, making a fatal piercing blow rather difficult, but not impossible. When using a pointed weapon there are three targets to aim for providing the attacker is coming straight towards you. The first target would be the eye(s). The skull behind the eyes is noticeably thinner than at the forehead thus far easier to penetrate. The Eye socket will also trap the point of the weapon and direct the following thrust right where it counts most without deflection. The second target is the mouth, again trapping the point of the weapon and directing the blow towards the base of the skull. The third target is the head/neck just below the lower jaw. The wielder will have to direct the piercing blow upwards and back, driving the weapon as to penetrate the back of the skull. This will destroy or sever the brain and or brainstem. In some cases, depending on overall weapon design (usually involving a form of spike), a deliberate piercing blow to the cranium will be the most effective.

Blunt Weapons: Blunt weapons traditionally had two purposes; to wear down an opponent and more significantly deliver a fatal crushing blow to the opponent’s cranium. Wearing down a zombie isn’t going to happen, but then again they really don’t defend themselves well anyway. As the head is the best target when attacking a zombie, a weapon that targets that specifically is a prime candidate for consideration. Blunt weapons usually are constructed in one of two designs, fixed to a handle as a club or hammer or attached to a handle in a pendulous fashion. In either case the user simply directs the blow towards the head of the zombie relying on concussive force to break open the skull and destroy the brain.

In Melee weapons part 2 we will look at some examples of melee weapons. We will also in the near future look at what other supplies and equipment we should look to acquire beyond the weapons.

G. Macabre

Moment of Horror #6

Stephen King's Carrie
In 1973 the Horror landscape changed forever. Unknown author Stephen King would publish his first novel, entitled Carrie. Undoubtedly the success of the novel had a fair amount to do with the story's subject matter finding an immediate and hungry audience. Carrie, a teen aged girl, living under the thumb of her "unbalanced" and oppressive mother; ridiculed and ostracized by her peers develops telekinetic powers and uses them to exact revenge. OK I admit being a guy, and one who grew up as the younger sibling, and was intelligent enough to let my older sister challenge parental authority, and make all the stupid teenage decisions to which I could observe and myself avoid later in life, the book had no appeal. But to the millions of girls just like my sister King was writing about their lives, or more accurately, their lives as they perceived them. His writing style was new and explicit and tackled subtexts that would clearly have been taboo anywhere else. In the beginning of the book he addresses Carries discomfort with her adolescent body and the changes it is undergoing, and then goes over the edge with people stoning here in a communal shower with tampons and "sanitary napkins". The book was so evocative, that it was widely banned from numerous schools, and not just library collections, but students could face out right confiscation in many cases. Only three years after it's initial publishing the book was made into a major motion picture, again with great success, which produced one of the Horror genre's most iconic film images, Carrie standing on stage dripping with blood.



While this image, this film and more so this book are all worthy of being included in horrors greatest moments, really the most important aspect is the emergence of Stephen King the novelist. So synonymous with horror fiction today that it could be argued his name rivals the likes of Edgar Allen Poe.

Gary Macabre

Zombie Apocolypse update

Despite the fact authorities are now down playing the seriousness of the H1N1 virus, and the spread of the virus is being greatly reduced from what was anticipated, Fact is the numbers of the infected continue to rise and so does the body count. From the 26 reported deaths and 1085 infected persons as of my last post, the official count is now 44, with 2384 reported cases as of this posting. While apparently these numbers are still within the comfort levels for most of the authorities, it does however indicate that with still no known vaccine or treatment if the virus continues to spread in an exponential fashion half of the world's population will be infected my mid August. And with a current mortality rate maintaining approximately 2% of the infected population would translate to 68 million deaths. Now naturally these figures are quite rudimentary, utilizing minimal data at the moment not fully factoring in such variables as comparative infection in third and first world nations, incubation periods and then there is the dynamic of when the dead actually start rising and killing and further infecting healthy humans. So clearly these figures will be dramatically different in the coming weeks and months.

Unfortunately as we have not seen much evidence of the dead rising at the moment as the numbers are still few, it is still hard to clearly identify this as a Zombie outbreak, and beyond that it is impossible to determine what type of zombies are we dealing with. Although we can comfortably rule out Traditional or Voodoo Zombies, both Modern and Contemporary Zombies are both still plausible (see Know your Zombies). Early indications would rule out supernatural origins, and the Long Dead zombie however.

As the authorities seem to be regaining control of the media and the panicked hype is lessening somewhat, this could indicate that any clear evidence about the nature of the outbreak as it relates to the living dead could, and is quite likely to become more obscured from the general public. One factor that greatly worries my in this scenario is that if there in fact is an airborne flu-like component, and how that will effect the transmission of the virus. Utilizing our current base of knowledge regarding zombie outbreaks, transmission has been exclusively through direct contact via open wounds, etc. Bearing in mind there is currently no concrete evidence to the contrary here, beyond the authorities persistence about this being a flu virus. If airborne transmission does become a factor, this could have a dramatic effect on your zombie plan. For example remaining in a densely populated urban environment waiting for the chattel to evacuate the cities could be a monumental mistake in not getting as far from the vestiges of humanity as soon as possible. Similarly the size of your group, or secure community could be more detrimental than beneficial. Again I stress that it is far to early with far too little information to start amending your current zombie plan yet, but it may be well worth your while to begin evaluating and adding for these yet unexpected possibilities.

For the un-initiated I would like to at this time make direct reference to Max Brooks book, the Zombie Survival Guide. For those without a Zombie survival plan I would highly recommend purchasing a copy. But Please be aware, that as good as the book is I steadfastly disagree with a degree of what he has included. Firstly he has unequivocally dismissed the class of Contemporary Zombie as being a construct of Hollywood, and such Zombies do not exist. With this as a foundation for his book, it makes it far simpler to put forth a guide to zombie survival that only factors in one type of zombie. From a publishing standpoint this is a very intelligent decision. However, in contrast, I believe that the silver screen has shown us that no two zombie outbreaks are the same, and that you must be flexible in your planning and the execution of your plans if you intend to be successful in surviving a Zombie outbreak. Nor do I agree with some of his weaponry assessments (see a further guide)or the value of apartment complexes or high-rise buildings as secure places (try as you might, without some form of explosive which would severely damage the structure of said building, destroying the staircases is not practicable. Dawn of the Dead has shown how good a choice apartment complexes are IMO.)

G Macabre

H1N1 Swine Flu: Is this the zombie apocolypse?

Greetings and condolences once again fellow travelers. My recent prolonged existence in the land of the living has certainly not been without it's fair share of excitement. It would seem that regardless of what remote hovel you occupy you would be made well aware of the current H1N1 virus,aka Swine Flu outbreak. Odd that such a minor viral pest, with no more adverse side effects than a normal human influenza virus that this should receive such widespread, nearly panicked global attention, after all "seasonal human influenza" claims the lives of 250,000 to 500,000 people annually (according to the WHO). Or, my dear conspiracy theorists, is there more to it?


Here is what the Center for Disease Control is telling us...(WARNING official and rather dull text follows in italics, but regardless if H1N1, Rage virus or Zombie outbreak it will all look the same, bet on it.)

WHAT TO DO?

Background

The novel H1N1 flu virus is causing illness in infected persons in the United States and countries around the world. CDC expects that illnesses may continue for some time. As a result, you or people around you may become ill. If so, you need to recognize the symptoms and know what to do.
Symptoms

Common symptoms include fever, headache, tiredness, cough, sore throat, runny nose, body aches, diarrhea, and vomiting. Nearly all persons with flu will have at least two of these symptoms. (GM: yeah sounds just like what you'd expect if you were bitten by a zombie to me) The high risk groups for novel H1N1 flu are not known at this time but it’s possible that they may be the same as for seasonal influenza. People at higher risk of serious complications from seasonal flu include people age 65 years and older, children younger than 5 years old, pregnant women, people of any age with chronic medical conditions (such as asthma, diabetes, or heart disease), and people who are immunosuppressed (e.g., taking immunosuppressive medications, infected with HIV).
Avoid Contact With Others

If you are sick, you may be ill for a week or longer. You should stay home and avoid contact with other persons, except to seek medical care. If you leave the house to seek medical care, wear a mask or cover your coughs and sneezes with a tissue. In general you should avoid contact with other people as much as possible to keep from spreading your illness. At the current time, CDC believes that this virus has the same properties in terms of spread as seasonal flu viruses. With seasonal flu, studies have shown that people may be contagious from one day before they develop symptoms to up to 7 days after they get sick. Children, especially younger children, might potentially be contagious for longer periods.
Treatment is Available for Those Who Are Seriously Ill

It is expected that most people will recover without needing medical care. (GM: or at least appear to before they go on a murderous rampage gnawing at any breathing being in eye shot)

If you have severe illness or you are at high risk for flu complications, contact your health care provider or seek medical care. Your health care provider will determine whether flu testing or treatment is needed. Be aware that if the flu becomes wide spread, there will be little need to continue testing people, so your health care provider may decide not to test for the flu virus.

Antiviral drugs can be given to treat those who become severely ill with influenza. These antiviral drugs are prescription medicines (pills, liquid or an inhaler) with activity against influenza viruses, including H1N1 flu virus. These medications must be prescribed by a health care professional.

There are two influenza antiviral medications that are recommended for use against H1N1 flu. The drugs that are used for treating H1N1 flu are called oseltamivir (trade name Tamiflu ®) and zanamivir (Relenza ®). (GM: although the WHO ha already said these seem to have little effect on the current contamination. But that's OK they're just trying to keep you blissfully calm and comforted) As the H1N1 flu spreads, these antiviral drugs may become in short supply. Therefore, the drugs will be given first to those people who have been hospitalized or are at high risk of complications. The drugs work best if given within 2 days of becoming ill, but may be given later if illness is severe or for those at a high risk for complications.
Emergency Warning Signs

If you become ill and experience any of the following warning signs, seek emergency medical care.

In children emergency warning signs that need urgent medical attention include:

* Fast breathing or trouble breathing
* Bluish or gray skin color (GM: who here has seen Dawn of the Dead?)
* Not drinking enough fluids
* Severe or persistent vomiting
* Not waking up or not interacting
* Being so irritable that the child does not want to be held
* Flu-like symptoms improve but then return with fever and worse cough
* Seemingly heightened senses of hearing and smell
* Heightened uncontrollable aggression towards others beyond the standard
report card comment "does not play well with others"
(GM: OK those last two I added)
In adults, emergency warning signs that need urgent medical attention include:

* Difficulty breathing or shortness of breath
* Pain or pressure in the chest or abdomen
* Sudden dizziness
* Confusion
* Severe or persistent vomiting
* Flu-like symptoms improve but then return with fever and worse cough
* desire to eat under prepared meat products, human flesh and headcheese
(GM:OK that was me again)

Protect Yourself, Your Family, and Community

* Stay informed. Health officials will provide additional information as it becomes available. Visit the CDC H1N1 Flu website.
* Cover your nose and mouth with a tissue when you cough or sneeze. Throw the tissue in the trash after you use it.
* Wash your hands often with soap and water, especially after you cough or sneeze. Alcohol-based hand cleaners are also effective.
* Avoid touching your eyes, nose or mouth. Germs spread this way.
* Try to avoid close contact with sick people.
* If you are sick with a flu-like illness, stay home for 7 days after your symptoms begin or until you have been symptom-free for 24 hours, whichever is longer. Keep away from other household members as much as possible. This is to keep you from infecting others and spreading the virus further.
* Learn more about how to take care of someone who is ill in "Taking Care of a Sick Person in Your Home"
* Follow public health advice regarding school closures, avoiding crowds, and other social distancing measures.
* If you don’t have one yet, consider developing a family emergency plan as a precaution. This should include storing a supply of extra food, medicines, and other essential supplies. Further information can be found in the “Flu Planning Checklist” (GM: Seriously did I just read that right!!??? DEVELOP A FAMILY EMERGENCY PLAN!! With extra supply of food, water and other essential supplies!!!??? for a flu outbreak likely less significant than our "normal seasonal flu outbreak". Sorry but that seems a little extreme wouldn't you think?) You know I'd almost bet that was a cut and paste at least twice before replacing Nazi with Communist and flu respectively.

So this is all practical, and if we stay the course, and listen for updates, and do what the authorities tell us we all will be fine? Gee I don't know about you but I can't recall the last time that Miami was effectively shut down, with airlines canceling services to the US during any normal "normal flu" season, or the when World Health Organization called for a class 5 pandemic, even during such known deadly ailments such as the SARS outbreak a few years ago and the West Nile virus, a deadly summertime reality here in North America and Europe claiming hundreds of lives every year, or China just started detaining people based on nationality, ignoring human rights and banning import on meat products, or...Ummm, yeah forget that stuff about China.

Some interesting facts with possible Zombie plague parallels:

On March 18th. The Mexican Government starts investigating a mysterious disease in the province of Veracruz.

On April 6th. A US company located in Veracruz reports changes in behavioral patterns of local residents.

So far the World Health Organization claim that the virus is being contained and those affected have all been immediately connected to visits to Mexico, and no secondary transmission as been confirmed. Yet daily numbers of the infected are increasing. (Getting bit or wounded will do that you know.)

Mexico has confirmed 16 deaths, but are investigating an additional 85 deaths that have been reported since. (forget the paper masks, issue chain male.)

The Mexican Health Agency starts taking international flack for not getting heath workers to the families of the first reported casualty for nearly three weeks citing logistical problems. (Can you say zombie horde.)

Areas that have reported a limited number of early, less serious cases that had appeared to be recovering, suddenly have more and more serious cases. Nothing is said of the earlier patients current status. (If that doesn't scream dead returning to life and attacking others nothing does.)

Well folks it's too early to say that this is the beginning of the Zombie apocalypse, but stay tuned to this blog for any further developing information which could indicate that Hell is in fact full. In the mean time now might be a good time to check if you still have those Y2K supplies and buy some more ammunition.

Gary Macabre

Excuses

Greetings and Condolences fellow travelers. I trust you've been finding your way about the netherworld successfully without my presence as of late. Unfortunately there is some unfinished business in the living world that I must attend to before the end of month and thus explains my absence while off haunting others. I will return soon and hopefully with a surprise for you all while you wait on the ferry man. In the meantime remember those coins on the eyelids kids, better tips up front mean better service.

Gary D. Macabre

Lon Chaney shall not die!!

In keeping up with my promise to continue to uphold FJA's commitment in Famous Monsters to honour Lon Chaney Sr. what better day to mark a Lon Chaney Sr. post than on the anniversary of his birth. Here's a little Youtube tribute that is really quite well done and well worth the viewing.



And for those of you with a bit more time on your hands join me in celebrating Lon's birthday with a viewing of the cinematic masterpiece and one of my personal favourite films of all time, Phantom of the Opera...




And for those who are looking for something perhaps a little more out of the mainstream of Lon Chaney films check out this piece of silent screen history. Tod Browning's (yes legendary director of great horror films such as Dracula and Freaks) 1914 Universal western silent By the Sun's Rays, Starring Lon Chaney as lead villain Frank Lawler. This one is under 12 minutes so do yourself the favor and watch it damn it, broaden you knowledge of film history, your life will only be all the better for it.




Gary D. Macabre

2008 Rondo Awards are in.

Well if you didn't figure it out my my complete lack of screaming and strutting I didn't get a Rondo. But that's OK this is one of the awards that it truly is enough to be honoured with a nomination. But that does mean I'm NOT doing the 100 ways to kill yourself post.

Congratulations to all the well deserving winners and to fellow LOTTD members Max Cheney (Drunken Severed Head Blog) who took runner up, and Brian Solomon (Vault of Horror) and Stacie Ponder(Final Girl) who scored honourable mentions in the Best Blog catagory. Here is the Official Rondo Press release:

Barbie tops Creature in Rondo model showdown

Rue Morgue takes four Rondos; Twilight Zone is Best Book;

Rich Koz as Svengoolie is voted favorite horror host;

Tim Lucas is Best Writer; Basil Gogos is Best Artist;

Ackerman's caregiver Joe Moe is named Monster Kid of Year

MARCH 24, 2009
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

By David Colton
CHFB News

ARLINGTON, VA -- Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho, TV's The Munsters and Ray Harryhausen's
7th Voyage of Sinbad were all winners Monday in the Seventh Annual Rondo Hatton Classic Horror
Awards, which also honored the man who cared for sci-fi legend Forrest J Ackerman in the final
years of his life.

But the biggest surprise came when a special "Hitchcock" edition of Barbie, dressed like
Tippi Hedren and swarmed by miniature crows from The Birds, topped the Creature from the Black
Lagoon in a showdown for Best Model, Toy or Collectible.

Not only did the 50-year-old doll from Mattel beat out the green-scaled Creature, but she outclassed
models from The Exorcist, Invasion of the Saucermen and even an action figure of Rondo Hatton himself,
the obscure 1940s horror actor who inspired the fan awards.

The Rondos are an annual celebration of the vintage monsters who sparked almost a century of horror films
and sequels. The worldwide online survey by the Classic Horror Film Board, a 14-year old online community, is
the largest in the genre and drew a record 2,932 emailed votes.

Beyond Barbie's latest triumph, winners Monday ranged from the modern -- The Dark Knight was
voted best film of 2008, the BBC's Doctor Who was favorite television show -- to classic horrors from the past:

-- A new edition of the 1960 film, Psycho, was voted Best Classic Horror DVD.
-- A collection of Harryhausen's 1950s science fiction films, including a colorized Earth vs. the Flying Saucers,
was named Best DVD Collection, and the collected episodes of The Munsters was the favorite TV collection.
-- The painstaking reconstruction of Carl Dreyer's atmospheric 1932 chiller, Vampyr, was voted Best
Restoration.

The most emotional moments came when it was announced in an online ceremony that a Los Angeles
producer, Joe Moe, had been named "Monster Kid of the Year,'' for his long years serving as a friend and
caregiver for horror and science fiction collector Ackerman. The founder of Famous Monsters of Filmland
magazine, Ackerman died this year at the age of 92.

"For his quiet, constant and unwavering stewardship of Forrest J Ackerman's final decade of life,'' the
Rondo citation reads, "Joe Moe revealed not only the man behind Mr. Monster, but the grace and
strength of the ultimate fan. For being there when we all couldn't, Joe Moe is Monster Kid of the Year.''

Moe, contacted by phone during the event, said, "If ever there was a time when I needed my monster
family, it's now. Thank you so much for validating the work I tried to do in a fashion that would make
all of you proud. I tried not to cry for Forry but now that he's gone, this honor from you, my pals, has me
in tears. Thank you so much."

Other winners included:

-- Best DVD Extra: "One for the Fire,'' a documentary about the making of Night of the Living Dead.
-- Best DVD Commentary: Makeup master Rick Baker, Bob Burns, Scott Essman, Steve Haberman and
Brent Armstrong for The Mummy (1932).
-- Best Documentary: Spine-Tingler: The William Castle Story.
-- Book of the Year: The Twilight Zone by Martin Grams.
-- Best Magazine: Rue Morgue.
-- Best Article: "Coffin Joe Resurrected,'' a look at the legendary Brazilian filmmaker Jose Mojica Marins,
by Scott Gabbey and Jovanka Vuckovic in Rue Morgue.
-- Best Magazine Cover: Rue Morgue #83, a portrait of Ackerman by longtime Famous Monsters artist
Basil Gogos.
-- Best Website: Trailers from Hell.
-- Best Blog: Video Watchblog.

-- Convention of the Year: WonderFest in Louisville.
-- Fan Event of the Year: World Zombie Day.
-- Favorite Horror Host: Svengoolie, played by Rich Koz, in Chicago.
-- Best Horror Audio Site: Rue Morgue Radio.
-- CD of the Year: Soundtrack of The Blob by Monstrous Movie Music.
-- Best Horror Comic Book: Hellboy: In the Chapel of Moloch, by Mike Mignola.
-- Biggest controversy: An L.A. fan's disputed claim he had once examined the long-lost Lon Chaney
film, London After Midnight.

-- Writer of the Year: Tim Lucas, author and editor of Video Watchdog
-- Artist of the Year: Basil Gogos.
-- Favorite DVD Reviewer: Glenn Erickson of DVD Savant.
-- Vasaria Public Citizen Award: Cameron McCasland and Creature Cinema for public service announcements
by Nashville's Dr. Gangrene and Nurse Moan-Eek.

-- Monster Kid Hall of Fame inductees: European horror actor Paul Naschy, Jim and Marian Clatterbaugh of
Monsters from the Vault magazine, painter Ken Kelly, the late Calvin Beck, founder of Castle of Frankenstein
magazine, the late Lux Interior, lead singer for punk band The Cramps and an influence on the psychobilly
horror rock movement, and the late Bob Wilkins, original host of San Francisco's Creature Features.

Many of the Rondo winners will receive Rondo busts, sculpted by Kerry Gammill and cast by Tim Lindsey,
at the Wonderfest convention in Louisville on May 16.

Further information, including runners-up and all the nominees, can be found at rondoaward.com

Battlestar Galactica: It has happened all before (answers revealed)

Blog Macabre going sci-fi??? well we'll indulge just this once shall we. So The New Battlestar Galactica has come to an end and fans are in a divided tizzy. Did the ending suck or was it epic, was it a bold conclusion to a bold series or was it a cop out just to try and tie up as many loose ends as they could? Well folks the greatest surprise of all is that BSG (as it has become known) was actually just another of the multitudes of unique incarnations of the Douglas Adams epic The Hitchhikers' guide to the Galaxy. Although much of the story from day one was a dramatic departure from Adams' tale, the writers finally played their hand and revealed in the final episode that this was indeed the case. It had happened all before in fact it happened first in 1979 with the BBC radio series and then the books in which apparently no two publishing's are alike, the 1981 TV series, a later DC comic book adaptation and a multimillion dollar Hollywood flop. In fact the greater the BSG story strayed from the source the more consistent with the HHG omnibus the show became until the final culmination of events where the cast finally arrive at Earth mark2 to start all over again.

With this secret now revealed with the series finale, fans can now look to Adams' works to fill in the gaps that the BSG writers left with somewhat unsatisfactory conclusions...

What of Kara's final fate?
As it turns out, she is inexplicably reunited with the Cylons at a chance meeting at the restaurant at the end of the universe.

What's with Hera? All that for a postscript about being the mitochondrial Eve?
Well there is a bit more to it than that, but that is the gist of it. It would seem that being the last offspring of both the colonists and the Cylons, locked in her primitive brain was the question to the answer of life the universe and everything that the mice wanted so dearly And by mice I mean the pan dimensional beings or "angels" represented by Head Baltar and Head Six.

What of all the dream sequences at the opera house leading up to a rather pedestrian conclusion in reality?
The simplest answer here is that it all took place when the series reached an improbability factor of 2*310888005:1 against which interestingly is Tom Desanto's phone number in Hollywood.

What happened to the Centurions?
Their home planet and in fact their entire solar system was destroyed at the conclusion of a Disaster Area concert which was the first and coincidentally last stop on their short lived "Ultimate Armageddon"tour.

Who was God? why did he hate being called that? and was it the Cylon God or the Human God?
We know they are now colonizing earth mark2 created by the Magratheans commissioned by the mice/angels/pan dimensional beings/the colour blue and designed by the semi-omniscient computer Deep Thought (the Cylon god it would seem). Problem solved.

So there you have it fans, until the next time (and the one after that, and the one following that...)
Gary D. Macabre

Attention Goths and EMO kids

What the hell I may as well do some shameless self promotion for the Rondo Award: best blog category myself. So I'm appealing to the Teenage Goth and EMO kid demographic here. (Hey you guys won Rob Zombie a Rondo for best picture last year after all, right!)

So if you think your life sucks and nobody understands you, you hate them all and would rather go somewhere dark and be alone with other freaks and vamps like yourselves, even if that does contradict the whole concept of alone, who cares the critics can just go to hell anyway, or you're not worthy of existence and want some recognition while your here to bemoan it before skagging yourself (or at least making it look like you're trying to), well then this blog is for you.

So go to the rondo site and mail in your ballot and vote Blogue Macabre for best blog so we can all rule together for one day. Well actualy I'll have a Rondo Award so I won't suck quite so much, but hey, that just legitimises your selfloathing a bit more now doesn't it.

And if I win I promise I'll post Gary D Macabre's top 100 ways to kill yourself and make someone else's life really suck in the process.

Rondo Awards: voting ends tonight!

So do your part and get your ballot in before midnight tonight if you haven't already done so!!!

Oh yeah, and any support for the Blogue and/or theFrankensteinMonster.com (aka the Many Faces of the Frankenstein Monster) is much appreciated, without harping on it like some blogers (Max, elbow,elbow, poke with a stick).

And I Strongly urge you all to vote for Billy Van, genius behind Hilarious House of Frightenstein for the Horror hall of Fame.

Unead or Alive: a Zombie Western Comedy...no really

OK first up, I make no bones about it this blog isn't about movie reviews, and that's not going to change any time soon. I will however discus films in a casual manner without the pretense of actually reviewing it. If you can grasp the difference then we'll continue, if you can't I don't want to hear about it.

So here we are with a Zombie/Western that actually uses the word "zombedy" in it's promotional material. Man this is looking bleak from the get go. As a matter of fact I tossed it back in the two-for-five-dollar bin a couple of times. But alas the allure of some zombie busting carnage with lever action rifles was just too strong and I finally caved. Fortunately I was in the mood for a really bad movie and I had little preconception of this being anything but, so all risk of disappointment and an hour and a half of my life safely socked away in the bottom of the dirty laundry hamper, I settled in with a plate of nachos and my own trusty Winchester '94 at my side ( Don't worry the ammo however was still safely locked away elsewhere, after all if it truly was worse than even I expected, I couldn't risk pulling an Elvis on my 50").

To my pleasant surprise this film was actually conceived with some intriguing and enjoyable premises. The origin of the wild west zombie being attributed to a native Indian curse on the white man I actually really like, some great ideas on how zombie cannibalism would be treated and dealt with by an ignorant town and the application of typical "wild west justice", and even a great little "betcha didn't see that coming" ending. Sadly however the few gems there in never made it past the screenplay writer, the director or the lamentable acting. Even my thirst and enthusiasm for the much anticipated and oh so inevitable zombies vs. .30-30 romp was left largely unsatisfied, rather like having a glass of nice cold Coke on a hot day only to find it has gone flat in the fridge. As for the comedy, well I think that SNL hit it's low point through the late 90's, and actor Chris Kattan... well lets just say "A Night at the Roxbury, Corky Romano, House on Haunted Hill, ..."

There was enough to like in this film to be worth the $2.50 it cost to purchase, and maybe even enough to justify the 91 minutes lost on it (92 minutes might be pushing it). But that said you have to be sold on the premise of Zombie Western/ weak comedy because if you can't take that into a viewing your in for a world of hurt.

G. Macabre